It's hard to breath now that your gone
by Road1985J2
Summary: Post Children of Earth. Jack's with the Doctor, he can't go back to Cardiff because Ianto's memory is to hard to forget. But what if Ianto' back? Will the captain come back of he can't stop thinking that Ianto was killed because of him?
1. Chapter 1

The TARDIS was quiet, almost too quiet for the Doctor. It was weird being alone, traveling alone. Rose was with the other Doctor, she was happy now, and Martha has her life, her fiancé, her job; that was fantastic. And Donna, well Donna was fine at home with her grandfather.

But now The Doctor was on his own and it was…_okay_, he supposed, but not perfect. He looked around. The place was empty. Was it time to find someone else? Or did he have to learn to travel alone for a while?

The Doctor sighed and sat down in front of the TARDIS' control panel. Where to go? What to do? For a moment he didn't know what to do exactly. Then, a sound surprised him. The Doctor recognized the sound, but he hadn't heard it in such a long time it surprised him.

He turned around, and there he was standing, looking at him, as if being there was the most common thing for the Captain.

"Doctor."

"Jack? Oh my god, what are doing here?" The Doctor said as he stood up, smiled as usual. There he was; his old friend, the impossible man inside the TARDIS, right there looking at him.

But for a moment, Jack said nothing, he was there, he needed to be there; because there was nowhere else he could go. He was broken from the inside; he was desperate. He wanted to die more than anything else and there was only one person in the universe that could help him. Only the Doctor could understand the way he was feeling.

"Jack, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just came to make a visit," he was lying, but Jack wasn't ready to tell the truth yet.

The Doctor eyes confronted his, and Jack could barely defend against them. The Doctor could always see inside him, his feelings, his memories and the most important; his biggest secrets.

"Well, actually," Jack said with a big and poorly truthful smile. At that point of his existence, lying to the Doctor was more than impossible. "Doctor, would you mind if I stay here with you for a while?"

"That would be perfect!" The Doctor enthused. "You, me, The TARDIS and the whole universe waiting for us. Why not?"

The Doctor knew there was something wrong with Jack. Something was wrong with the captain and he was going to find out. Maybe it was his voice, which was more lifeless than he'd ever heard. Maybe there was something inside his gaze, there wasn't any brightness at all, or perhaps it was just his entire body looked almost devastated.

That wasn't the Captain Jack Harkness he knew, that wasn't the man who'd jump onto the TARDIS and go with him to Utopia, that wasn't the man who had died so many times to save the world and the entire universe. There was something definitely wrong with him.

"Thanks, Doctor."

"But, hey. What's up with Torchwood, with your team?"

"There's no team anymore. There's Gwen and she'll be fine without me," Jack thought for a moment. He supposed Gwen would hate him because he had left her on her own, but at least, far from him, she would be safe.

"And what about those other obligations you have back there? You know, what about…oh, what's his name…oh yeah, what about Ianto?"

Jack paused for a moment. It was the first time someone had named him, Ianto, his little office-man, the man of his life; he had thought more that once. "He's gone and I'm sure he's happier now," he answered in a closed voice.

The Doctor knew his friend was lying to him again. But what for? What was the reason for Jack to be so cold with him?

"I need some time to think and maybe, I don't know," Jack sounded unsure of himself as he went on. "Maybe I'll never go back."

"Okay," The Doctor said gently. "You know, you can stay here as long as you want, as I told you before, it'll be great not being alone."

Jack smiled sadly. He was alone; he had left nothing behind. Gwen was fine; she had a husband, and the Captain was sure she would be a perfect leader for Torchwood's new generation. There was nothing else, Jack had destroyed everything that mattered anything to him, including the man he loved. He was alone but he thought that maybe, in time, The Doctor would fill the gap.

"I need to do something first if you don't mind," he said.

The Doctor nodded. He didn't now why but he was sure the captain needed some time on his own, some time to drift around.

The Doctor watched as the captain left the room. "What's wrong with you, old friend?" The Doctor whispered.

He started following Jack.

- o -

The library inside the TARDIS was huge. Jack looked around. "You would love this place."

"You don't have to do this, Jack." The captain turned around and his expression showed a wide smile. "Please, Jack. This has to stop now."

Jack looked at the figure in front of him. He had done a good job and the technology from the 51st century had helped him quite well.

The captain stood in front on Ianto. He was gorgeous, as handsome and pretty as ever.

"Ianto…"

"Please, Jack. You have to let me go. It's been three months, you can't be this way for the whole of eternity."

Jack raised his hand; he wanted to touch his young lover one more time. But then he realized he wasn't there for real. This Ianto was an illusion, a hologram that he had created from his ghost.

"I don't care about eternity. Why would it be so important now that I have nothing? I killed you Ianto; you died because I didn't stop those things. You could still be alive if I had done something."

"Shut up, Jack! Stop torturing yourself."

"But it was supposed to be me, not you."

"I made my choice when I ask to be on Torchwood. I knew perfectly well what happened to most of the agents. I knew a lot of them had died young, just the same as me."

"But not you," Jack tried not to cry, he didn't want to, not in front of Ianto.

"It was my moment and now you have to let me go, Jack."

The Doctor was by the door, quiet, listening to their conversation. So that was what had happened to the Captain…

"I can't, you know that. I love you, maybe I hadn't told you enough, but I love you."

Suddenly the Captain felt a hand on his shoulder and as he turned around Ianto's image disappeared.

"I'm sorry," The Doctor said, saddened because of his friend grief and anguish. "I'm so sorry, Jack."

"Yeah, I know. But…" Jack didn't move, just put the small device on his coat's pocket. "And where are we going?"

"What did you said?" A confused Doctor said. "Jack I don't think…" The Doctor looked concerned at Jack. Obviously the captain was totally destroyed, but if the Doctor wants his friend to talk, he needed something else. "Well we can go to that pub, Do you remember it? That place in Green Moon."

"Yeah, it sounds good."

"Yeah, really good. I remember that you told Rose and me about that you had never been really in love. You said that when you would felt in love you will love that someone forever, that when you gave your heart to one person that love would be eternal."

"Stop it, I know what are you trying me to say and it's not going to work." That would sound really truthful if his voice wouldn't have cracked.

"I don't pretend anything Jack, I just want to know if have you talk about Ianto after he passed away."

"What for? He's dead."

"Jack listen to me, I not perfectly what means to loose the love of your life. I have lost so many people and every time I thought I wouldn't be able to go on. Do you know does really help?"

Jack smiled. The Doctor, he always knew how to talk to him, how to touch his heart. The captain folded his arms. "Ok, you're not going to be happy until you tell me. So, go on, tell me your remedy."

"Talk to me about Ianto."

Eyes wide open, the captain felt there weren't words left to speak. He was breathless; he couldn't speak about Ianto, because he wasn't able to think about him without felling his whole body in pain. Jack averted his eyes from the Doctor and tried to breath.

"Jack you talked to me about him, remember? Just before you went back to Cardiff, I saw in your eyes how much you loved him. You can't keep all this memories inside of you forever or they will destroy you sooner or later."

"I can't. I can't talk about someone I loved so much and then I killed." The Doctor kneeled in front of Jack and looked at him. He almost saw the tears at the corner of his eyes and his lips trembling.

"Jack, tell me, you need to do it, you have to do it for your own good."

"I…" His hand, inside his pocket touched the ghost device again and suddenly he felt a really nice warm on his hand. "Ianto… he" His voice trembled again.

"Take your time; I wont go anywhere."

"Ianto was so kind and beautiful. When I looked at him I felt so much peace; and his smile, his lovely smile… If you had only seen it..."

The Doctor looked at Jack, at last he was opening himself, he was letting go everything that was tormenting him for almost three months. And at that point, the Doctor knew that was going to be a very long day.


	2. Chapter 2

"He was charming, you know. When we were alone…he tried to tell me so many times that he loved me. But I didn't let him, I suppose," Jack drank another shot of his glass. He didn't know what was inside of it – The Doctor had said it was good for that occasion – but Jack knew it was something similar to a very strong spirit. "He was afraid of me, not exactly me, just how I would react."

The Doctor listened to Jack, quietly sitting in front of him, looking at the captain as if he didn't know his friend. Actually, it was the first time Jack had been totally sincere with him. Jack Harkness was opening his heart at last.

"You loved him too, don't you?"

"I… well, it was complicated… me - I can't die; and he… well I don't know."

"But you do." The Doctor said as he stood up. "Why don't you want to tell me the truth? I know you loved him, you still do, so why do you keep on this stupid lie?"

Jack knew he was already drunk. He could feel this funny sensation in his body. He was happy talking about Ianto, talking about how he felt about him. He wasn't depressed anymore. Maybe it was the drink… or just talking about him.

"Because the lie doesn't hurt." Jack stood up too, but he staggered. "Wow, what did you give Doctor? Do you want to do something to me?" The same sense of humor as always. Jack was still there, but he needed to come out of himself.

The Doctor took Jack's arm and led him to his old bedroom, where he had slept a long time ago when they had travelled together.

"Come on Jack, it's time to sleep, I'm sure, tomorrow will be easier, or maybe not."

The Doctor got Jack to the bed and let him lie there, almost unconscious. Jack felt something weird.

"But I don't sleep, I don't have to anymore. But I just need to lie down for a couple or minutes… oh, my head." The Doctor helped him to settle down in the bed. "I'm starting thinking you drugged me Doctor. Did you?"

"I had to, because you're going to kill me when you find out what I am about to do."

Jack slept deeply. That night, he dreamed for the first time in a long time. He dreamed about home, because he thought he knew Cardiff was his home now; Torchwood was the place for living but his heart… it was broken, was devastated, but it still belonged to his adored Ianto.

The captain dreamed about Ianto, he was beside him, talking to him. He remembered that day. He was in a coma, and Ianto at his bedside for more than thirty hours. Ianto always believed the captain hadn't heard him. He lied, again. He remembered every word; he listened to every tear, every time Ianto's voice collapsed. Why hadn't he said anything when he'd had the time?

Jack loved Ianto, Jack _still_ loved him, he was sure, he could never, at least in a few hundred years; forget him, his sweet boy, his beloved boy. But now, with that drink that the Doctor had given to him, he could see Ianto again, and he was truly happy, because Ianto hadn't been a blip in time.

- o -

"Where am I? Jack? Gwen? Where's everybody? I'm in the countryside; I don't like the countryside, not anymore. But how did I get here?" Ianto looked around. There was no one, nobody to ask. But he remembered everything. "My god, Jack…" he remembered Jack holding him in his arms. He was crying for him, he was dying, he was about to die and Jack was there telling him… "Don't leave me. Stay with me."

And then, everything was over, he was dead for good, and this time, Jack couldn't save him. But there he was, in the countryside, much alive. What had happened?

He searched for his phone.

"Oh that's great." It wasn't there, why should it has to be. Ianto started walking, but at every step he took he noticed he wasn't feeling very well. "Okay, so I'm back but I'm not in a good shape."

His sight became blurred and he had to stop walking. Then he heard something similar to a siren. He almost couldn't breath; but he didn't know why. The siren approached, it was a police siren. He had to sit down on the ground until everything around him stopped moving.

"This can't be good."

"Are you okay sir?"

Ianto took his hands away from his face. That voice was echoing in his head, but he still recognized it. "Ianto "Torchwood" Jones?"

Ianto raised his eyes.

"PC Andy, what are you doing here…wherever here is…?

"You don't look good. I think I'm going to call for an ambulance, before you collapse."

"Where am I? I mean - you know - I don't… Jack, I need to find Jack. To tell him I'm fine, I'm alive. Okay I think I'm going pass out right now." Two seconds later Ianto fall to the ground unconscious.

- o -

"Come on love, you like green." Rhys said really excited. "We don't have to paint the baby's room in blue or pink, it can be green! what do you think love?"

"I think a hate being bigger everyday, I'm the size of a whale."

"But I love this whale." Rhys embraced here softly. "So, is green fine?"

Gwen smiled.

"I like green for the walls." Then she kissed her husband. Suddenly, her mobile rang.

"_Gwen Cooper! _ Hi it's Andy - long time no see."

"Gwen you have to see this." Continued her friend.

"I can't right know - we're picking the color for the baby's room. What do you think about green? You know, not too much green, just grass's green."

"Gwen this is important, you have to come to the hospital."

"Oh my god, Andy are you okay? I told a thousand times Cardiff was getting more dangerous!" Gwen was already worried; she notices his friend's voice wasn't as usual. Something was happening…

"I'm fine, but there's someone. Do you remember what you were told about Ianto's death?

"Yeah I remember, but why are you talking about him right now?" Gwen couldn't still think about Ianto – It was too upsetting. Her friend was dead, and Jack was too far away to be with her.

"Okay I'll tell you, so you'll come here. Ianto's at the hospital. He's alive, I found him in the middle of nowhere."

"What?" Rhys looked at her, waiting her to tell him what was happening, why she had that face.

"I know how it sounds, but I know Ianto, I know it was him I brought to the hospital. He ask for you and captain Harkness. I was able to find you, but what about Jack? Where is he?"

"I'm coming to the hospital right now." Gwen said. She couldn't answer that question because she didn't know where was Jack, and she couldn't tell Andy about the Doctor, but if the captain was with him, she knew someone who could contact with him. "Love you Rhys I've to go."

"Where?"

She smiled; her first real smile in the past three months.

"Ianto's back, he's alive." Rhys couldn't say a word. "Yes he's back, so I have to take care of him, get to Jack and bring him down here. So I have to contact Martha Jones. Love you." And after kissing Rhys, she left their home.


	3. Chapter 3

"Martha." Gwen said when she saw her friend at the hospital. "How was the mission? Did it work?"

"Yes – the school is okay now. No aliens or any other abnormalities around to scare the kids."

_Kids. _Standing there at the entrance of the hospital, Gwen couldn't stop thinking about all way back to the 456 and how they have killed Ianto, how close world had been to complete destruction.

"What about Ianto?" Martha continued. "Do you now…?"

"No, Andy didn't tell me anything, just that Ianto was alive and that he had brought him here. Have you talk to the Doctor? Jack needs to know about it."

"Are you sure? I mean you know how much pain Ianto's death caused Jack."

"Exactly, he must know that he's alive, so he'll come back."

"_He'll come back to us; he'll come back to me." _

Gwen wasn't in love with Jack, not like Ianto. She felt something really deep for the Captain and she needed him next to her.

Martha looked at Gwen and for a moment she asked herself if Gwen wanted to make Jack happy or if she needed Jack back. She didn't ask; it wasn't the moment. Ianto was back and they had to know what had happen to him.

They walked through a few quiet alleys until they found the one Andy told Gwen of. There he was; waiting for them. Gwen waved her hand and he smiled back to her. When they were finally close enough, Gwen hold of her friend.

"So, is it true? Ianto is alive? But how is this even possible? I mean, I saw his body; we buried him. And now… Oh my god he's here."

"I know, but he's in there and he seems to be fine, considering…"

"Can we see him?" Martha said, looked at the window of the room. "I want to talk to his doctor, maybe I can find something about what happened to him."

Gwen nodded and as soon as her friend was going to find the doctor, she went into Ianto's room.

"_What am I going to him? He was dead and now he's here. He's going to ask me about Jack. Okay, he's my friend; I'm not going to let him down."_

Gwen took a deep breath and finally opened the door. At first all she could hear was the machine that controlled Ianto's heart. Her friend was lying on the bed, his eyes were closed and he seemed to be asleep.

She walked to the bed and sat down quite close to Ianto. She didn't think when she took his hand into hers; and just wait to see him coming back.

"Gwen?" Ianto's voice was too weak but at least it was his voice.

"Hi sweetheart, welcome back." Gwen said as normal as she could. "How're you feeling?"

"I don't know. I thought I was dead; I knew I was. But then here I am in a hospital talking to you." Gwen just smiled. There was nothing she could say to make him feel better.

"What do you remember?"

"I don't know, I remember Jack, yes he was next to me. We were talking to the 456; they told something about killing us all. And the virus came." Gwen could feel Ianto's body shaking while he remembered the moment he'd died. "Jack tried to get my out of there, but it was too late for me. Jack…" Ianto smiled. "I fell in his arm; he was holding me during those last moments."

"Ianto, you don't have to…"

"It's okay. Those moments…; I felt safe in his arms, he was looking at me and I saw it, that glimpse in his eyes I've been waiting to see for a long time. Then I realized he felt something real for me." A few tears, fell from his eyes, but Ianto seemed not to notice it. "He said to me, "Don't leave me; stay with me." I knew I wasn't going to, but; he just said it anyway, and I said, in the last moment, "I love you." He didn't want to hear it, but I said it. Then there was nothing."

Gwen listened to him quietly trying not to cry too.

Someone opened the door and as they look, it was Martha.

"Hi Ianto." He just nodded to her. "You look fine and the doctor says you're okay. You will be released on a day or two; you're just a bit dehydrated and exhausted. But apart from that you're perfectly fine."

"That's good news." Gwen said.

"What about Jack? Where is he?" Ianto looked at the alley looking for his boss, for his friend, for the man he loved, the man he had died for; but he wasn't there. "Is he on a mission or a hunt? Maybe he doesn't know about me? Have you talked to him?"

Ianto tried to stand up but Gwen stopped him; making him to lie again on the bed.

"Take it easy okay? You're just back from a long journey and you should take some rest, don't you think so Martha?"

"Yes of course."

"I'll do it, but where's Jack? I need to see him; I just want to tell him again, that I love him; I want him to know that I feel just the same way. I'm not going to loose him again."

"Okay sweetie." Gwen improvised. "I'm going to call him and he'll be here as soon as possible."

Ianto relaxed when he heard that; but Gwen didn't know if bringing Jack to the hospital was even possible. She had seen him the night he disappeared. He was a different man, not even close to Captain Harkness anymore.

He had loose everybody: Ianto, his grandson, everything around him reminded him what had happened and what had he done to the people he loved. She didn't even know if Jack would like to see Ianto.

But this wasn't only about Jack anymore. Ianto was on that bed, looking at her with his puppy eyes; the least she could do was try help him feeling better.

- o -

Jack woke up. He's head was hurting him real bad. Then he remembered.

"Doctor!"

He walked through the TARDIS to find his friend that was talking to the control panel of the ship on his own.

"Good morning Jack."

"Good morning? You drugged me last night. Why did you do that?"

"You needed to sleep."

"I don't sleep, remember?"

"Well, no, but this is different. After everything that happened to you these months I thought…"

"Okay cut it out. What did you do?"

The Doctor looked at his friend. He knew he couldn't lie to him, Jack knew him too well.

"I was trying to help you; because I care about you, you're my friend."

Jack started laughing.

"You tried to help me pass through all the grieving, and you decided to drugged me. Do you know what would be really helpful a few months ago?"

The Doctor said nothing.

"Where were you when the 456 attacked us? Where were you when they tried to take our kids." Jack tried not to start crying while he was talking, remembering all the pain. "And where the hell were you when they killed Ianto in my arms? I had to see him die. I had promised him I was going to take care of him and I couldn't. Where were you when I had to kill my own grandson to save the rest of the kids of the world? WHERE WERE YOU?"

Jack turned around and covered his face with his hands.

"Where were you when I needed you?" Whispered Jack to himself.

Then the Doctor's phone rang, so he couldn't answer Jack.

"Yeah, Martha?"

The Doctor kept looking at the Captain, wondering what his friend would do when he find out the truth.

"Doctor!"

"Nice to hear you."

"Yeah right, Doctor. I need to talk to Jack. I know he's there with you."

The Doctor just passed the mobile to Jack.

"Martha Jones." Jack tried to sound as always.

"Jack, I'm with Gwen, she needs to tell you something."

"Hi, Gwen."

"Jack, how are you doing?" Gwen said. I was hard for her to listen to Jack's voice after so long but she had to be strong; for Ianto.

"Not bad and you?"

"Jack I need to tell you something and I need you to come here, please."

"Why? Is the world ending again?"

"No, it isn't."

"Maybe the Daleks came back."

"No, Jack they didn't came back."

"Then maybe…"

"Jack I'm serious, I don't want to tell you this like this! I want you to see him with your own eyes." Gwen was too late to realize what she had said. "Jack, please, come here."

"What do you mean with "him"?" Jack already knew, but he needed to listen to it first.

"Okay, Ianto's alive, Andy found him in the middle of nowhere. Maybe you don't want to come, but he needs you. He's been asking for you from the first moment he woke up. Please Jack."

It was silence on the line for a moment.

"Gwen, I can't. Just tell him I… Tell him… Oh, You'll think on something, bye Gwen and take care of Rhys and the baby."

"No, Jack wait." But the Captain had already hung up.

- o –

"You knew it don't you?" Jack said to the Doctor.

"Jack," The Doctor said, "you've lost so many people...why not save just one of them?"

Jack looked sullen and turned his head away.

"If I go back to Ianto, something will just happen to him again... it's always the same..."

"You don't know that!" The Doctor argued.

"Well, what makes you so sure this isn't a mistake?"

"I'm a Timelord, I know these things."

"Doctor...you don't understand..." Jack turned away again, blinking back tears.

The Doctor edged around him so he was knelt before the Captain, looking him straight in the eye.

"Then tell me."

Jack looked at the floor, his face filled with sadness.

"I...I'm just scared..."

"Why?"

"Because...because..." Jack didn't know what to say, it seemed as though nothing in his mind would make sense long enough for him to construct a sentence that would portray his feelings on the matter. "I just...all these past moths I was just frightened that when he comes back, something even worse will happen to him...I can't let him die twice, Doctor...don't ask me to..."

"Jack, this is your decision to make, I'm asking you to do nothing but think, and if you want him to be fine again, he needs to see you."


	4. Chapter 4

Jack was confused; he didn't know what to do. He had been always protecting the Earth, always knowing what was wrong or right; who had to live, who worth to die. But everything was different. Ianto was dead, he had seen him die in his arms, and he couldn't do anything. How could he be alive know?

The Captain had been quiet for a while, standing there by the dashboard of the TARDIS; his eyes void of emotion. The Doctor was looking at him, just staring at his friend. He knew what Jack was thinking, but said anything; just waited.

"I can't go to that hospital, I can't see him, it's wrong." Jack said at last, letting his voice disappearing little by little.

"Are you going to lie to yourself that much?"

Jack looked at the Doctor. If he had been able to move, he would have left the TARDIS, the Doctor, he would have left everything behind again. But he couldn't move.

"This is hard, I get it; you have suffered that much and you don't want to have your heart broken again. But you still love him, you do! And that, you can't change it."

"I know..." Jack sat on the floor and hid his face on his hands. "I know, but it hurts. I've lost so many people. Did you know I've been married? I lost her a long time a go, but she was gone for good. My grandson, he's dead and he's never going to come back. But Ianto…"

"Come on Jack…" The Doctor complained. The Captain raised his head. "Don't you think I don't know what you're feeling? I've lost Rose; I've lost everyone that mattered in my life. I would do anything to have a second chance, just like you do this time."

Jack thought about that second chance and just for a tinny moment, the Captain smiled. Then he saw the Doctor moving around the control panel of the TARDIS.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked, although he already knew the answer.

The Doctor smiled back to him but said nothing; he just continued pushing bottoms, moving around the dashboard and sometimes used his little hammer to press some weird gadgets. The TARDIS started moving and it made its sounds, it told Jack there was no way back.

"Doctor?"

"Jack."

"Come on Doctor, you can't do this. This is almost an abduction, and you don't do those kind of things. You invite people to your adventures."

"Unless we're talking about you, of course Jack. You come to my TARDIS whenever you want and you invite yourself here. It's okay for me, but I have my rules, and one of them is to see your friends or your lover when they are in hospital."

"I said I'm not ready!"

"Sorry, too late."

Suddenly, the TARDIS stopped moving. Jack would kill the Doctor on that exact moment. Sometimes he hated him, but no, he just loved his friend. He loved the Doctor more than anything; that was out of question.

"Come on, I think Gwen will be waiting for us." The Doctor didn't wait for Jack to answer him; he didn't want any other argument, because there wasn't any.

The Doctor knew a few things. Jack was in pain, because he was in love, Jack loved Ianto and blamed himself because his lover was dead. The Captain needed to see his young lover to be in peace with himself. And that; the Doctor could do without a problem.

Jack stood there, looking at the open door. He could hear the sounds out there; people talking, a few doctors talking about that patient they've been taking care of, the nurses talking about the hot new doctor. And also, Jack could hear something more, something that no one else could hear. It was low but it was in his head, repeating over and over again. That heart beating didn't let him moving his own legs. Ianto's heart made him wake and paralyzed him.

"Look, c'mon, Jack," The Doctor said to the hunched figure on the chair. "If you don't go, you'll regret it forever…"

Jack said nothing; just looked around. He didn't notice when he had arrived to that chair, he was so concentrate on that heartbeat, higher every second he heart it, like if it was getting closer to him. Jack felt sick for the first time in a long while.

He wanted to run, to start running and don't look back. Yes he was scared to death. Then the Captain thought maybe he was only dreaming, maybe the Doctor hadn't taken him to the hospital, maybe Ianto wasn't really alive, maybe he had become crazy and his damaged brain was playing with him.

What could he do? Absolutely nothing, and that was what he did; he was tired, it was to much time fighting against his feelings, his fears, himself, so much time trying to be Captain Jack Harkness, that now he couldn't do anything.

So he just sat there, looking dismal. Pulling a face, The Doctor licked his lips and tried to think of what to say.

"Don't you think he'll be upset if you don't go, hmm?" He said slyly as he sat himself down next to Jack.

"Why would he be upset?" Jack huffed. "It was all my fault…I killed him."

"He's just through there," The Doctor said, waving his hand at the door of the hospital ward. "You've only got to go and talk to him. Look at him and say hello, it's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Are you serious? Of course it is! I…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the whole story, but there's no point torturing also Ianto when you can help him. He's physically almost fine, he's tired and dehydrated, but he will be perfectly normal in a few days."

Jack looked at the Doctor

"I was here while you were sleeping."

"You knew about Ianto and said nothing to me?"

Sometimes the Doctor hated himself for being so sincere.

Jack took on the appearance of a sulking child. He wasn't happy at being dragged this far to Ianto, and there was no way he was going through those doors. A smug grin slid onto The Doctor's face as a sneaky Doctor-ish thought crept into his mind.

"Okay," the Doctor said, now trying a different approach, "if you don't go through those doors and talk to him, I will do something you will regret."

"Are you threatening me?" Jack looked up, affronted.

"Yes."

"Well, it's not going to work."

"Yeah? Well, we'll see…"

Jack thought The Doctor looked quite evil as his 'friend' leant back on the bench, seemingly waiting for something. Deciding to ignore him, Jack returned to staring at the floor where there was a most visually arresting speck. However, when a blonde nurse came padding down the corridor, The Doctor did something most unexpected, quite startling him.

As the nurse past, The Doctor reached out a hand and slapped her hard on the backside. Angrily, the nurse whirled around, towering over The Doctor who immediately pointed to a very confused Jack.

"Pervert!" the nurse hissed and slapped Jack around the face with surprising force.

As she stalked away, nose in the air, the Captain turned to The Doctor, nursing his bruised face.

"What the hell are you playing at, eh?" he demanded.

"Are you going in there yet?" The Doctor asked innocently.

"No!"

"Fine…" The Doctor promptly slapped another passing nurse behind and once again, Jack found himself whacked around the face. Deciding The Doctor was maybe the most orthodox, cruel and weird man in all the universes, Jack put up with several more slapping, before not a nurse walked down the hall, but a man…

_Oh, please don't do it, PLEASE_, Jack screamed inside his head as the man came nearer. But, despite all his silent prayers, The Doctor did…

The man spun around. The Doctor pointed an accusing finger at Jack.

"Sorry, I don't have much time now, but if you're free, lets say, in half an hour, I'll be in the males room." The man smiled at Jack.

The Captain didn't say a word; the man was really attractive, the kind of man Jack would spend a night with. But that wasn't his day to expend sometime having sex with anyboy and he never showed on the males room.

"I should have seen it coming." The Doctor said. "Had enough?" The Doctor asked in a honeyed tone as Jack doubled over, clutching himself.

"Yeah…" Jack wheezed, groping around for a wall to steady himself on.

- o -

The alley was absolutely empty and quiet, _too quiet,_ Jack thought.

There were so many things inside his mind, so many memories, but just one only memory could break his hart. Ianto was still lying on his arms, his boy, his beloved office boy who had turned into a man being with him.

They had slept together so many nights, exhausted after a good hunt or just enjoying some free time. But this time was different, Ianto was dead on his arms and the only thing he could do was cry and die beside him.

Jack had always known that life wasn't fair, not even close. But on that moment, walking through the silent alley; the Captain felt like he was something coursed, everyone around him died horribly; Tosh, Owen, Ianto, Steven… Was it fair to kill someone you love to save the rest of the world? Was it worth it enough? Jack would rather not to think about it; not when he was in front of Ianto's room.

There was no one inside the room, there was only Ianto lying on the bed; the Captain hoped he was asleep. At least Ianto couldn't see him right then. Jack stood there, staring at him, and suddenly, just form a moment, he felt so relieved. Thoughts about Ianto sleeping softly next to him, his head leaning on his chest appeared on his mind. It had been a year, maybe two, since they started sleeping together, but every time was different. Special had said Ianto.

Jack walked to the bed and sat next to him. Unconsciously his hand took Ianto's. The feeling was warm and sweet like the old times. His fingers lightly touched Ianto's skin and he start crying.

It felt like an eternity from the last time Jack had cried; but that time, he couldn't stop. There was so much inside of him he wanted to tell Ianto, so many feelings, so much pain, so much anger.

But suddenly, Ianto squeezed his hand, his young lover press his finger to his and on that moment Jack felt he was going to explode like a giant bomb of emotions.

"Jack." Ianto whispered in his dreams.

"Oh my God, Ianto." The Captain murmured. "I can't, sorry but I can't do this. In not as strong as you are. You came back to me and I can't see you suffering again because of me. Please, forgive me." While Jack said it, tears ran along his cheeks.

Jack got his hand apart from Ianto and walked out of the room.

As he ran out of the ward, Jack felt strangely sick, as if he were about to throw up. Ianto – a man who should be dead – was alive, right in front of him.

Was he a ghost come back to haunt the Captain for not being able to save him? Jack's mind went through the day it had all happened… the 456… the children… his grandson… Ianto… everything…

Was Torchwood destined to be like this? A diminishing bunch of friends who were slowly wavering away? He'd left Gwen, killed Ianto – or at least blamed himself for his friend's death – and now he couldn't even apologize…or see the man he loved…or even speak to him…

He had to keep running. It was what Jack did when he couldn't face the world any longer.

Pushing a hapless stranger out of the way, he hurtled full on into the men's bathroom and locked himself in one of the cubicles before slumping to the ground, shaking. He was scared, terrified in fact. What if Ianto came in here and saw him like this? What would he say? What would he think? Would he forgive Jack? Did he still…love him?

The door swung as two pairs of feet stepped into the room. Not seeming to care that they were in the men's, Martha and Gwen padded over to the cubicle where they could see the corner of the Captain's navy blue coat poking out from under the door.

Martha crouched down on the other side of the door and knocked softly. Jack turned his head. He'd heard, but he wasn't going to pay any attention.

"Hey, Jack, c'mon now," Martha said. "Ianto was aissking for you. He knows you've been on the room, he felt you, like I don't know, some kind of sixth sense or something. You're not going to let him down now! Just come and see -"

"No," Jack spat, his voice shaking and trembling, "No. I'm not going to look at him…I can't do it again…" he added in barely a whisper.

"But why not?" Gwen asked, shooting Martha a helpless glance, worried that they'd never be able to persuade the Captain. "I thought you lov -"

"Don't…just don't, Gwen…" Jack hissed.

"Jack, open the door," Martha said gently.

Jack dimly wondered why he couldn't open that damned door. Was it because he didn't want them to see him crying? Tears were rolling down his cheeks. He didn't know what to do…should he open the door, or just…run away again?

Martha stepped back as the door opened. They were right, Ianto trusted on him, he had died for him, fighting shoulder to shoulder with him. So it wasn't moment to pity himself, he was Jack Harkness and he had to find himself again and there was only a person he can help him. No more running, Jack thought. This time, he would face Ianto and be strong.


	5. Chapter 5

The aisle seemed to be longer than the first time. Jack walked till the door of Ianto's room and stayed there for a moment.

"Come on Jack, you have to go there, he needs you, I need you and lets be honest; you know it quite well." The Captain looked at his left side. There he was; Ianto was by his side, leaning on the wall; his arms cross on front of his chest looking at him. Jack didn't already know if Ianto's image was absolutely real or just a creation of his mind. "You can fight the daleks and save the world a couple of times but you can't face me? For God sake this isn't you."

"Don't you think I don't know? But I don't think I'm ready."

"Sure! You rather talking to a ghost that the real me. I understand, I can't die I will be always with you and the real me, well someday you will be at his funeral, and maybe just maybe you'll cry at his grave."

Jack looked at the other Ianto, and if he would be for real, he would punch him in the face. But he was absolutely right; his words were just a part of his own mind.

"Okay, you win, I'll go inside and I'll talk to him." He breathed heavily and tried to stay calm before knocking at the door.

The room was empty again; he thought that would be idea of Gwen to give them some privacy. That was fine for him, because that moment would be really hard to share with somebody else.

Ianto was awake; he was laying on the bed, and had been thinking for a few moments. Jack used to be the impossible man, but now, he was impossible too. He had died but there he was, alive again. Maybe Jack would be more comfortable being with him now that Ianto knew what dying meant.

Somebody knocking on the door brought him back to reality. One moment later, he finally saw the Captain.

"Jack" Ianto said, with a mixture in the voice that meant hope and fear at the same time. Would the Captain run away from him again? Would he said to him something nice? Would he be the same to him?

"Hi, Ianto, how're you doing?" Ianto was nervous, that was something too obvious to hide. But he tried to seem as calmed as possible, hiding his hand, pressing one to another, until he felt his nails hurting his palm.

Jack saw it but said anything; that would start a hard conversation for both of them.

"Well you know, I'm alive and that's enough for me." Ianto sounded happy, but at the same time there was something sad and empty in his voice, something the Captain hadn't heart since Lisa had died.

"So you don't remember what happened, do you? You just appeared here with no memories." Ianto nodded, but he couldn't say a thing, his eyes and his mind were on Jack. The Captain was walking inside the room, the door was far from him now and almost in a few seconds he would be next to the bed. "It's okay, maybe is better this way."

"I don't understand. What do you mean?" Ianto felt his hands shaking and his heart pumping so hard, he thought it was going to get out of his chest.

"You're like a new man now. You can start over." Ianto looked at him and saw something different in Jack's eyes; there was something he couldn't define; that wasn't quite right. "You know, you can get a new life, a safer life." Jack saw the fear in Ianto's eyes. "You can be whoever you want, get a new job and a girlfriend, or a boyfriend if you prefer."

"What are you talking about Jack? I don't want anything new, I want my life back, you know what I mean, I love Torchwood, I died for Torchwood and for…" Ianto couldn't say it. It was too hard to talk about his feelings for Jack, the most important reason he died and why he would do it again.

"You're not coming back to Torchwood."

"You can't do this to me; you know Torchwood is my life." Ianto said Torchwood when he meant _you_ but that tiny word was too difficult to let it go. "I need to back to Torchwood."

Ianto tried to get up, but Jack's hands on this chest stopped him. The young man closed his eyes and tried to remember the last time Jack touched him and smile.

It had been the moment before of his death. Jack had held him in his arms, his voice cracked, and his tears fall on Ianto's face. It would be his secret, but than moment, had been one of the happiest of his life.

"You won't be back to Torchwood." Ianto felt his heart breaking apart and for a second he stopped breathing.

"That's bullshit."

Gwen was by the door looking at her friends.

"Gwen, please." Jack said

"Jack, could you come with me for a moment?" Gwen smiled back at Ianto and took Jack's hand. "You can't do that to him."

"Come on Gwen. He died and I don't want to see him suffer again. I can save him this time; that's what I'm doing."

Gwen smiled again, but this time there was a great sadness in his sight.

"No, Jack you're protecting yourself from being hurt again." Jack was about to say something but Gwen stopped him and continued talking. "By the way I have some news for you."

Jack looked at his friend and then he saw something different on her. She was still Gwen, the old Gwen; but here eyes were new. There wasn't any fear on them, but a great strength. It was the way he looked at his team a few months back.

"You left me in Torchwood. I was the last one of us. Do you think I would let Torchwood die on me? No Jack, I was pregnant but I still was Torchwood. Rhys tried to persuade to let it go."

_"You're pregnant and your can get hurt Gwen, you're not the bloody Jack Harkness." _Jack smiled at her impression of Rhys but stayed quiet.

"But I didn't want to let it go. I believed in you from the very first moment, I believed we had to save the world from alien threats and Ianto believed to. That's why he died, because he believed in you, and you're not going to let him down."

"It's my team Gwen…"

"How you dare?" A nurse looked at Gwen when she raised her voice. She took a deep breath a stopped talking for a moment. "Was it your team when you abandoned me? I was seven months pregnant and you left in head of Torchwood. That wasn't fair, but I took my place. I'm still in charge."

Jack hadn't thought about it but Gwen was right.

"Jack, I have my team and if Ianto wants to come back; it's okay for me, he knows this city better than anyone of us."

"Wow, wait a moment. You have a new team? You mean new people?" Jack didn't thought everything could have change so much just in a few months. "Do I know them?"

"Of course you do."

"Hey Jack." The Captain looked at Rhys.

"Don't tell me, he's you're new team, because then, the world is going to end really soon." Things were getting worse for Jack for moments.

"My beloved husband it's just part of the team. Guys, could you come here for a moment?"

Jack thought he was dreaming. It couldn't be truth, there she was, Martha Jones the same girl that had helped him and the Doctor saving the universe.

"Hi Jack, you know, UNIT was okay but after what happened with the 456, I didn't want to be with them anymore, not after Ianto's death. I talked to Gwen, she needed a new team and I couldn't sit just there watching how the world ended again. So here I am, the new doctor of Torchwood."

Or was it a nightmare?

"How're you doing Jack? I thought you have run away from us forever. Did you find the Doctor?"

"Mickey? Please Gwen, tell me his not part of your new team, not him." Gwen started laughing.

"Jack, I told you, you left me I needed people to keep on going. They are great. We've been doing incredible things and hey, the world is still here, no thanks to you of course."

Jack felt the pain in his heart. Gwen was right, but what could he say about it, just say sorry? Ask for her forgiveness or just wait till the thinks came back to normal?

"Okay you have your team, I accept that, I can live with that. Can I ask for something?"

"Do you want the head of Torchood back?" Jack nodded silently; he didn't want to push too hard at this point. "Great, because I give up. I don't know how you did it Jack, I can't stand the new prime minister, the army, UNIT and I can't stand myself hiding everyday our identity from everyone." Gwen sighted and leaned her head on Rhys shoulder.

"You have done it really great love, I don't think I could have done something like that." Rhys kissed on the forehead and then, when she raised his eyes toward him, he kissed her on her lips.

"So you don't mind to be again under my orders…"

"As usual, you give the orders and we complain with you." Gwen smiled, that was her Jack, the same Captain, the one she loved; the same cute and charming smile, a small but hopeful glimmer in his eyes told her, she was getting the old Jack back. "But…"

_"Here comes the but." _Jack thought.

"Before I give Torchwood back to you I have something more to say. If Ianto wants to come back, he's free to do it. Like I said before, I still think we need him and he needs us, he needs _you_."

Jack looked at his friends and all his TARDIS companions. Every one of them was taking a great risk working at Torchwood, fighting everyday to save the world. All of them could die at the end of the day, everyone of they knew it; but that wasn't the point, they were happy doing their job.

Ianto was the same as them; he was one of them actually, but the difference between Ianto and the rest of the team was that Jack loved him. Maybe it was a secret love, maybe it was something the Captain didn't want to reveal, but he loved Ianto and he wanted his office-boy to be safe. If he had to do rough things to get it maybe it was worth it.

"Okay but I don't want him on a mission. He was good at the Hub working with the computer, much better than on the field, he had his failures and obviously, doing the greatest coffee in the world."

Jack had been prepared that moment since Gwen had told him Ianto was going to coming back. Jack rather Ianto out of Torchwood than being hurt again; at least physically. So if that meant he had to hurt his lover himself to get him out, he would do it.

Ianto was sitting on the bed listening to the conversation so he heart what Jack said about him.

"Sorry, did I say something wrong?" Jack was able to hear his own heart breaking down a little just when he saw Ianto's eyes, the disappointment on his glance and the way the young agent got his look away from Jack.

The Captain wanted to hold him and tell him it wasn't true, that he just wanted to protect him and that Torchwood was too much dangerous for Ianto. Jack wanted to kiss him again, to feel his warm lips pressing his and inhale his sweat scent for one more time.

Ianto was about to cry but he beat his lips and held himself back. He almost felt the blood in his mouth but he wasn't going to cry not in front of Jack.

"I mean it Ianto, yours is the best coffee I've ever drunk."

"Jack…" Gwen said.

"It's okay Gwen. Thanks Jack. I told you the secret was on the water." Ianto smiled but Jack knew him too well and saw the lie on his sad and lonely eyes. "I can do my work in the Hub too, know that Tosh isn't there we need someone in charge of the computer I don't need to be on the field."

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to Ianto; it's going to be like the old times." Gwen said again.

"Who's in charge now Gwen?" Jack said abruptly. "I can accept him back but he's accepting my conditions here."

Gwen felt Rhys's hand on this shoulder and she understood. She looked back at Martha and Mickey, neither of them had said a thing but all of them looked at each other quietly.

"Okay I'll do it as you said." Ianto finally agreed resigned.

"Well, tomorrow the doctors release you from the hospital, isn't it? So I guess I'll see you all tomorrow at the Hub."

Jack turned around to the alley looking at the lift, his only way out of so much dispair.

"Are you already living?" Ianto's voice was too much anxious that he would want and Jack noticed but said nothing.

"Why? I don't have nothing more to do here. I've checked you're doing fine. That's why I came here."

Ianto tried to get up again, he want to get Jack back to his side before it was too late but he was too much tired and collapsed on the bed. Jack saw him out of the corner of his eye but kept on walking.

"Jack…" Ianto got to say bursting into sobs.

"It's okay sweetheart, he's too stubborn to see the truth." Gwen hed on Ianto. "But listen to me and believe me. He loves you. I'll deny I've told you this but Martha and I saw him cry on the men's room." Ianto smiled. "So, I'm one hundred percent sure he really cares about you and someday he'll tell you about it." Gwen just kissed his friend on the cheek and helped him lay back to the bed. "Come on, just rest because tomorrow, your life start again."

Ianto was happy. He had thought Jack hated him but now he was sure that wasn't true. He was going to wait for Jack, even if that meant to wait his whole life.


	6. Chapter 6

It was Ianto's first day at Torchwood after coming back from the death. It was weird, everything was different. Nowadays the hub was in another place; the previous hub had been destroying in the explosion; there were new people working there, Mickey, Martha, Rhys. And of course, he was different. He had died and there he was, standing there as usual.

Ianto looked around and smiled. Jack was also there and that was enough for him. Jack, the man he loved when he was alive, the man he had died for, the man he always counted on. The Captain had been acting funny with him, maybe a little tough but the most important thing was that Jack was still there.

"Welcome back." A voice behind him said. Ianto turned around and looked at Mickey. "Well you don't know me properly; I came here when you… you understand me. But don't worry I didn't came here to replace you."

"It's OK, new Torchwood, new team, new people. I was dead, I was gone and everything changed." Mickey saw the sad shadow in Ianto's face and although he didn't new him, Mickey already knew the reason.

"Jack wasn't here either. Gwen told us at the Captain left her and Torchwood, when the menace of the 456 ended. Then nothing, he just vanished until now."

That wasn't Jack, the Captain Ianto knew didn't ran away. Why would he do something like that? Was it for him? Ianto showed a tiny smile. If it had been for him, then Jack loved him, the Captain cared for him and that was good. But Jack wasn't a coward.

"I have to talk to him." Ianto said out loud to himself. "I need to know."

"Then, good luck. We've been trying to make him talk since yesterday and we've got nothing."

"Maybe I can get something." Ianto wanted to tell Mickey, he knew Jack better than anyone. He wanted to tell the young man about the nights they had spent talking till the sunrise and the tiny moments, the really truthful moments, when Jack had been absolutely sincere with him.

Instead of that, Ianto said nothing and just went inside the hub. He supposed nobody would understand his blind faith for Jack, why he would die again if the Captain asks him to. It wasn't simple friendship. It wasn't just love. They wouldn't understand him.

"So, would you like to show me the new hub?"

"Sure, a pleasure, but hey, now it's called Hub2." Ianto smiled, he remembered Rhys writing the name on the wall. Now it seemed years, but it only had passed a few months.

"Nice, I like it."

There wasn't anyone inside; the place was a little more bright that the previous hub, Ianto liked it. He listened a noise, something similar to an animal, then looked up and the pterodon.

"It's not the same, but it appeared in Cardiff as the other one so everyone decided to replace the deceased… I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

"Ianto!" Gwen held his friend. "Oh my god how long have you been here? Mickey why didn't you told me? I'm so sorry I'm such a terrible host." Gwen was really nervous. She new how difficult and hard that first day must be for Ianto and she also new it should Jack standing there with him instead of her. "Come, I'll show you your new desk and you have a very modern computer, you'll like it. Wait come here, this came yesterday, just for you."

Gwen showed his friend the coffee machine; she didn't buy another one since Ianto's death, it seemed to her like a betrayal to his friend's memory. But from the moment she new Ianto was back she bought the most modern machine on the market, and obviously the one that can prepared the finest expresso.

"Thank you Gwen, but you don't have to do all this for me. It's fine, I'm back and everything's new for me, but I have to get use to it."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to." Ianto said lastly. "And where's Jack?"

"I have no idea. The usual you know. Jack didn't changed, well not that much, he just disappeared when you were gone. But now he seems the same Captain Harkness." Gwen touched his friend arm to get him closer to her. "If I have to be sincere, I don't know Ianto. I know Jack's keeping something to himself. He's broken, he needs to talk to someone but I don't think I'm the proper person. Maybe if you… I don't know, I suppose he's on his new office, my old office by the way." Gwen and Ianto smiled at a time, it wasn't easy to talk about Jack when they didn't know anything about their Captain.

"I'll find him."

Ianto walked to the Captain's office. Although everything was new and different on hub2, the office of Jack Harkness was exactly the same. Ianto liked that, at least something was as he knew it.

"Jack." Ianto called.

Nobody answer him, so Ianto decided to go into the place. The same kind of table and chair; the papers and the archives on the table and his weably next to them. Ianto took the revolver and just then he heard someone talking.

If everything was the same, maybe his bedroom was as well the same. Ianto knew that place too well. He had past so many nights sleeping with Jack in there. He had past some of those nights looking at Jack for hours, just looking at him sleeping.

"¿Jack are you there?" Ianto called again.

- o -

Jack didn't like what he was doing but if wanted Ianto to be out of Torchwood, he had to hurt him real bad. He had met that young boy the previous night on a bar. He wasn't anything special, a usual boy, not as pretty as Ianto, he hadn't his blue eyes, his gorgeous smile and his fine way of dressing.

But the boy, well he wasn't quiet a boy, he should be twenty five at least, but his young face was really beautiful and would be enough to make Ianto suffer.

"_I'm a terrible person, I don't want to do this but I know it's the best for Ianto. Is that so horrible? I love him, yes I love him; that why I'm doing this." _Jack told to himself again and again, but it was never enough to finally believe his own words.

And there he was, kissing his boy. he was nice, funny too and to easy to use him. He heard Ianto came into his office, so he decided it was the moment to start the play.

"Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?" Jack asked to the young man.

"Well there's someone but I don't know man, it's complicated because his parents doesn't know about him being gay and I have my needs you know. I think I love him but if I tell him something, I know he will choose his parents. And what about you?"

Just what Jack wanted to listened at the exact moment Ianto decided to came down.

_I'm so sorry Ianto, maybe someday you will understand this and you'll forgive me."_

"Well there's someone too." Ianto smiled, Jack did still love him. "But it's just a shag, a good shag I have to say but I only like to have him in my bed. It's funny but I think his getting in love with me poor little boy." Ianto felt his heart breaking and stopped walking.

"You don't love him then." the young man said just before start kissing Jack's neck.

"Love him? No way. His really good in bed, but between you and me, he's just the teaboy."

Ianto stopped breathing too. Was it right? Was it really Jack talking? The Captain had told him he would never forget him and now Ianto discovered Jack had been lying to him forever.

"Just the teaboy? Is that what you really think of me?"

"Ianto!" Jack said and sounded really surprised. "Sorry I didn't know you were here."

"Well I am and I have listened to everything you had said. I'm a good shag, you like to fuck me and I prepare a fine tea. Is that what I am to you? Just a toyboy?"

"Ianto come on." Jack stand up from the bed leaving his poor and surprised lover there. "You know we were just lovers, we understood each other on bed and we were good together hunting weevils. But that's it. I never promised anything to you."

"Yes you did Jack. When I was about to die, you said…"

"Exactly you were about to die, I didn't want to tell you then, you were expecting to much from me, it wasn't the moment, I just wanted you to die in peace, in the arms of a friend."

Ianto stepped back. He tried not to cry in front of Jack, he didn't deserve to see him broken.

"Think about that like a misunderstanding."

Ianto bit his lip and looked away from Jack. He had been a complete fool.

"You're right; it was a misunderstanding. I thought it would be fine for me, even for us to be working here again but… I can't do it. Now I see you'll be fine without me and maybe in the future I can learn to live without you. Bye Jack. Save the world and be safe right?"

"Where are you going?"

"You were right, it's better for me to leave Torchwood and start a new life. I'll find a new job and maybe a girlfriend." Both of them knew that wasn't true, but neither of the said anything. "Bye."

Ianto disappeared. "So, is that all? Can we…" The young man tried to take Jack's hand but he released himself.

"Get out please."

"But…"

"GET OUT." The last time Jack saw him the young man was running away from him.

- o -

Fortunately for him, when Ianto got away from the hub, there was nobody to ask him why he was crying. The street was also completely empty so he let himself burst into tears.

"_I hate you Jack Harkness. I hate you."_

Ianto heard something, but he wasn't fast enough to see the man, the shooter on the roof of the building at his right side. He just felt the pain on his shoulder and then he saw the blood. Someone had just shot him, but he was alone, he saw nobody.

His legs failed him so he fall on his knees.

"We get him." A voice said.

"Fine, I'll take him. Ianto Jones, nice to meet you. What are you? Like Captain Jack Harkness? Don't you can die either?" Ianto could barely see her, the dark hair woman in front of him before she hit her on the head with his weapon.

Ianto fall unconscious to the ground, but before that, he just thought about Jack. He had broken his heart and now he was going to die again. That was the most awful day of his life.

"He pasts out. Take him to the base and as soon as he's awake we'll record the tape to mister Harkness." Johnson said. "I want to know who Jack Harkness is for real and mister Jones is going to help us."

- o -

"Jack come and see this." Gwen looked at hi friend. He had been crying but she didn't ask. "It's here again, isn't she?"

"Oh my god Ianto. Johnson's gonna pay for this. If Ianto's hurt, I'm going to kill her" Jack took his coat and left the hub.

It was his fault. Ianto was out the hub at that moment because of what he had done to him. He loved Ianto and he was hurt now because of him. Jack couldn't stand that, if he had to tell Ianto de truth he would, as long as Ianto was safe.

"_That's the same Jack Harkness." _Gwen thought


	7. Chapter 7

The Doctor knew Jack too well, so he had no doubt where he could find his friend. The door was opoen when the Doctor arrived but there was no sound coming from the inside. Maybe after all, he was wrong about Jack.

"Can't you leave me alone?" No he wasn't wrong about the Captain.

The Doctor walked into the bedroom; Jack was sitting on the bed and had a photo in his hands. The room was obviously not Jack's style; it was perfectly decorated; a few photos on the small table with two lamps next to the bed, that it was the same color that the paint of the walls and a carpet on the floor from a trip to any Arabic country.

There was no doubt, it was Ianto's apartment and jack was there, he was escaping from something and he seemed to be really relaxed there, like it was his own apartment. But there was something wrong about Jack, something with his face, something with his absolutely sad smile and something terribly wrong about his blue eyes. He didn't look at the Doctor, Jack didn't move his glance from frame he was holding in his hands.

"What are you doing here Jack? Gwen told me what happened to Ianto. You should be looking form him right now, instead of be sobbing here."

Finally, Jack raised his eyes to the Doctor and could have killed him just then, but he didn't do anything it was to late to do anything.

"Don't you think I haven't tried to reach him? But Johnson is absolutely smart, she knows how not to be found."

"What happened to you Jack? You're not like this, you're a fighter Captain. If something awful happens to one of your people, you just protect them. It's what you do, it's what you are." The Doctor sat next to Jack.

"That man was me, now is different. I lost Ianto twice already and now he's… Johnson can do whatever she wants to him and I can't find them anywhere. I've lost everyone Doctor, I've failed to all the people that matters to me. I can't trust myself anymore." The Doctor looked at the picture.

There they were, Jack and Ianto, happy like a normal couple like to loving boyfriends. The Captain remembered the moment, that incredible night. The team had gone out to a bar. They had drunk, they had talked and they had laugh as regular people.

Gwen took the picture, but they didn't notice at the moment. Jack was kissing Ianto; they were really happy back then for a few hours. No monsters, no aliens, nothing could disturb their private moment.

The Doctor looked around him, there were other pictures, Ianto had lots of them and almost in everyone of them there was Jack. He put attention in one of them. Ianto was lying on a sofa, sleeping he guessed.

"I took that picture myself. It was in the hub; Ianto had a cold those days and I told him not to go on any mission. "You have to rest." I told him. He was so stubborn that I had to stay with until he fall asleep on the cough. He was really cute." Jack's voices broke down trying not to start crying.

"If do you still love him…"

"I don't." Jack didn't finish the sentence; it was nonsense to avoid the truth. "I know, I made a mistake, another mistake and someone I love is paying the consequences. It's the story of my life."

"Why don't you change it now? You have the opportunity to save Ianto and tell him how you feel. He's alive; you know it because everyone in Torchwood is a fighter, they learnt from you isn't it?"

Jack groaned while he was smiling to the Doctor. You're always blackmailing me with my own feelings. Sometimes I hate you." Jack sight hard. "But you always get what you want. Let's go."

- o -

Jack's phone rang.

"Jack, I think you should come back to the hub now." Jack listened to Gwen carefully while he was driving. He was glad to hear something from his team, because he didn't know where exactly he was going.

"Ok Gwen, but what's going on? Tell me you have something new about Ianto, I need a place, an address, something to start with."

"It would be better if you see this, I don't want to tell you about on the phone is too… I can't Jack." Jack turned left to the Doctor.

"Did you hear that? At the back of the tape, I think." Jack stopped the car at the entrance of the hub, just in front of the tourism office. "Maybe I'm becoming crazy but I'm sure it was Ianto, and he was in pain because of me."

"Well just lets go inside." The Doctor had heard it too, but he said nothing, he didn't want to upset the Captain.

"¡Jack!" Gwen said; there was a horrified expression on his face, she could hide her fear. "Johnson has send another video. She's crazy but she wants you. Come and watch it."

Jack sat at his desk, Gwen was at his side, touching his shoulder carefully. "We're going to catch her, don't worry." Jack smiled at his friend and after saying nothing he start the video.

"Hi Captain. Don't you want to talk to me? I'm really sorry for that, because I need you, I have to know what are you and if you don't want to come to me the simple way, then I have to force to come to me."

Jack was tense, he didn't like at all that woman. But then he saw Ianto. He was on the floor, he seemed to be inconcious but he tried to say something to the camera. The Jack saw the blood on his shoulder, the young agent was hurt.

"The shot, they really shot him. Oh my god, I swear I'm going to destroy that woman." Jack took Gwen's hand, he needed to know he had someone close to him. "Tell me you had found something from the video that can help us to find the place."

"Jack wait the video isn't finish yet."

"Come on Captain." Johnson said from the video. "I thought you liked this boy. He's really cute and I don't fancy killing him at all. But you gave me no choice." Johnson take a knife from her belt. "He's going to suffer very painfully because of you Captain. You don't know how to take care of your people."

"Don't you dare to do that." Jack said as if Johnson was going to hear him.

"look at the Irony, his going to die twice because of you, to save your precious ass. How does it feel Captain Harkness? You kill your grandson to protect everyone else, it wasn't fair but I understand. But this? You're going to sacrifice a man that loves you, Why Captain? Tell me."

Johnson kneeled next to Ianto and showed the knife to the camera. She smiled in a really creepy way and took Ianto's face.

"I'm really sorry darling." The agent opened his eyes painfully. "Do you have something to say to your Captain? Maybe the next he see you he sees you're precious body, because you will be dead… again."

"Thanks Jack. You show me so much things, you just wanted to be a good boss to me, and I just understood something completely different, something wrong." Ianto started crying. He wasn't prepared to die again, not there, surrounded by so much strange people, but above all, far away from Jack. "But don't be sad for me, I died months ago because I loved you so much, because I thought you loved me back, but I was wrong and now I see the truth. I don't mind to do it again. It's not for you, It has to happened, I don't deserve to live again."

"No, Ianto, no, you can't die on me again." Jack's hands started to tremble.

"Jack… I'm sorry." Gwen kneeled next to him and embraced him. she had already watched the whole video and wasn't prepared to see it again.

Jack stopped breathing when he saw Johnson sank the knife in Ianto's leg. The young agent screamed so loud Gwen was about to cover her ears. She started crying at the same time that Ianto did in the video. Ianto was her friend and she had no idea how to find him before it was too late.

There was a lot of blood emerging from Ianto's leg and in a few moments, Ianto fall uncouncious because of the horrible pain. Johnson smiled to the camera again, and started talking again. "So Captain Jack Harkness, I think your boy has maybe half a day before he lost to much blood to die. Are you interested in visiting me now? Say goodbye your boyfriend the boss Ianto Jones, because I think you're not going see him again alive."

The video ended there. Jack said nothing but Gwen new there was a plan in that look of his. "What are you thinking."

Jack stood up and went out of his office. "I know where Ianto is. And if Johnson wants me, she's going to find me. Doctor, are you coming?"

"You bet." The Doctor said with a very expressive smile on this face.

"Gwen, tell Rhys and Mickey we're going on a mission to save Ianto and bring him back alive."

Jack was back, the Doctor and Gwen knew it. They trust him and knew he was going to get Ianto back and they also knew, Johnson was going to regret the day she decided to take Ianto as a hostage.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ianto, look at me. Come on Ianto, look at me." Jack was nervous. Ianto was lying on his arms, unconscious, shaking and talking nonsense. Jack had him on his arms like he was his little boy; like he was _his_ little boy. "Ianto, please."

"Jack… I don't…" Ianto started saying. Jack touched Ianto's face very gently, and smiled listening to his weak voice. "I have to go." Ianto tried to stand up, but Jack stopped him. "You don't want me in Torchwood anymore, you don't need me… by your side. So…" Ianto groaned and started coughing. "I have to go."

"No, you don't." Ianto was shaking harder every second and he barely could maintain his eyes opened. "I can't loose you again, Ianto. When you died," Jack smiled sadly; he didn't want to remember that, he wasn't prepared already for such thing. He just got close enough to Ianto to talk to him and get that anyone else on the TARDIS could hear him. "I died too that day, I died with you and I'm not going to let you go again."

"But you don't love and I…" Ianto pressed down Jack's arm.

The Captain saw the blood, so much blood; he almost feared Ianto was not going to make it. "Doctor, come on, get us out of here ¡Now!" Jack was beside himself. Ianto was about to die on his arms and he couldn´t do anything. He had to get his young lover as soon as possible to Martha. "Why are we still in here Doctor?"

"I'm sorry Jack, but we have some troubles with the TARDIS since Johnson's men shoot at you and Rhys on your way back." When the Captain didn't answer; the Doctor looked back at him. Jack's mind wasn't there; his eyes were fixed on Ianto and his hands, squeezing him very gently were the only thing on Jack moving.

Jack's glance was sad, and was almost resigned to Ianto's fate and there were tears at the edge of this eyes about to fall from them. Jack thought everything that was happening there was his fault.

"Jack, I'm, sorry, I didn't mean to…" The Doctor started saying.

"Get us out of here please. Just do it." The Captain didn't look at the Doctor, he couldn't stop looking at Ianto. If he was going to die any moment later, he had to be there for him, like the first time. He had to be ready for his lover's dead.

"_Because both times it has my fault." _Thought Jack. His throat ached him. He was trying not to cry but the tears were there, burning his throat and they didn't let him to say anything else. Jack wasn't able to move because his mind was showing him the last few minutes again and again.

- o -

"Rhys you're coming with me. Mickey you're staying here with the Doctor." Jack looked at the Doctor and smiled. "Please be sure to be ready as soon as we get here with Ianto."

The Doctor shook his hand. "We'll be ready, just bring him home."

Jack started walking to go out the TARDIS when Mickey talked to him. "Hey boss, everything's going to be find and if you find that Johnson don't do anything stupid."

"I know; Ianto's the most important thing now."

The Captain and Rhys got out of the TARDIS, guns on both hands and their minds on Ianto. Maybe it was too late to find their friend, maybe Johnson had already killed him by that time. Both of them was thinking that, but neither of them said a word.

On the first aisle, Jack saw a soldier, he shoot at him without no question and kept walking. There wasn't time to waist, Ianto needed him and that was the only thing that matters to him.

They found two more guards and Jack killed both of them. Rhys stopped him on a corner. "You can't do this Jack, you can't kill every person we find here. They're just following orders, maybe they don't know Ianto's here, maybe…"

"They're working for Johnson, aren't they? That's a good reason for me to kill them." Rhys opened his mouth to say something but a noise at the end of the corridor make him to be quiet.

There were three men and behind them and also there was a woman. Jack recognized her and started breathing very heavily. He wanted to kill that woman, he wanted to run to her and shut her on the head. But when he was decided to do it, he heard her talking to her people.

"Don't let anyone enter that room. The prisoner is our first priority and I want him alive for the next video recording. Captain Jack will be very pleased to see him still alive."

"Jack don't." Rhys said whereas he pressed Jack's arm to stop him right there. "If you show our position, Ianto's a dead man."

"Ok."

They let Johnson walk through the aisle, so close to them, that Jack could see the evil smile on her lips. But she went away and Jack and Rhys stayed there looking at the other two guys that were protecting the room ant the end of the corridor.

"Ianto's in there."

"How do you know? You're not like Superman with his special hearing power, are you? that prisoner could be someone else." Jack looked at him. "I know it's him."

"I can feel him, I know Ianto's in there, he's suffering because of me and I'm the only one who can help him." Jack was talking to himself, there was no one else who could understand his great fears, his pain, his grieve. "Let's go."

Jack walked through the corridor making no sound and the pale lights protect them from the other two men. Jack made a signal to Rhys, he was going to attack one of them and at least, Rhys had to distract the other one.

Jack moved really fast and the man didn't notice him until Jack was in front of him. the Captain didn't want to shoot at him because maybe that would . He just punched the man on the face and do it a few times until the man fall to the ground. Rhys wasn't so lucky because his man saw him and hit him first.

Rhys fall but he was up right away, hit the man on the stomach twice and saw him breathing heavily. Then Rhys stood up but the man kicked him on the leg and made him fall again.

Rhys wasn't ready for those kind of things, but he liked Ianto, and if his friend was in danger he was going to do everything to help him. the man tried to hit again but Rhys moved faster and get to get his face out of his fist.

The man took a gun and pointed Rhys with it. "I'm going to kill you and then I'm going to kill your friend." Rhys was scared, that was the end. Gwen was right no Torchwood's agent died old.

He thought at Gwen, at his baby, he wasn't going to see them again. "Gwen I love you, I bloody love you."

But the man fell on him unconscious. "Sorry I'm late but his other guy was though to beat. Hey, it's not bad for your first fight." Jack kept his gun to his belt and helped Rhys to stand up. Then Jack stopped by the door and for a second he touched the door.

Yes, Jack was scared to dead. What if Ianto was already dead? What if Ianto had been expecting for him all that time and at the end he was late? Suddenly the doors opened and when he looked back, Rhys was entering the chamber.

"Thank you." Jack said.

The room was dark and the almost couldn't see anything. Jack looked around, but it seemed there was nobody inside, but then, they heard something like someone sobbing.

"Ianto?" Nothing happened for a moment. Jack stepped into the room and turn on his light. "Ianto!"

The young agent was lying on the floor and there was a big puddle of blood on the floor, but Jack didn't care, stepped the blood and run into Ianto. "Ianto, come on tell me something." The Captain embraced him and waited for a second. "Ianto."

The young agent didn't move for a moment and Jack thought about the worst. "Jack?" His voices was trembling and all his body was shaking heavily. He tried to move but the pain was so much for him.

"Shhh, take it easy. I'm here with you, everything going to be fine."

"It hurts. My shoulder, my leg… she shot me and she..."

Ianto started to sob and was bearly able to breath.

"No, no, Ianto come on, Rhys and I are going to take you out of here. The Doctor and Mickey are waiting for us in the TARDIS."

"Jack… I'm… I'm…" He couldn't finish his words because he fell unconscious.

"Ianto! Rhys let's go back to the TARDIS." Jack take Ianto as softy as he could on his arms. "You have to protect our way ot, Ok Rhys?" Rhys nodded and both of them started waking again back to the TARDIS.


	9. Chapter 9

Jack embraced Ianto and kissed his forehead. The young agent was almost unconscious, he had lost a lot blood, but at least he couldn't felt the pain as much as Jack was doing.

Definitely everything had been wrong. It had been only a few minutes ago; but Jack already regretted the way he had done everything. Johnson's soldiers were in their way to the cell when Jack decided to take Ianto out of there.

Jack took away all Ianto's clothes, because they all were covered on blood, then put his coat around his body and took him on his arms.

"Rhys I need you to take my revolver and start shouting at those guys."

"But, Jack…"

"I don't care, Rhys, I just need to take Ianto out of here, right now. He's dying and I can't loose him another time. He's your friend too, right? I know you don't want to kill anyone; but this is war." Jack looked at Rhys and see how scared the man was.

Yes, Rhys was scared; he was thinking about Gwen. He was absolutely in love with her and just thinking about die there, away from his beloved wife and his little baby, was the most terrifying thing. But Jack was right; Ianto was his friend; he couldn't leave him down.

"OK give me your gun, but remember, I'm not the best shooter of the world."

"Gwen taught you how to shoot, right? She's the best at it, I'm sure about it. So Rhys, please, help my take Ianto out here to the TARDIS." Rhys nodded, took the gun firmly with his hands and wait for Jack to be ready. "Let's go. Now!"

On the aisle there were two soldiers and two more were on their way. Jack already knew, it was a suicide to get to the TARDIS, but he also knew, Ianto was about to die there.

Rhys started shooting and at the third time a soldier was down in front of them, he wasn't dead but the wound on his arm was serious enough. Rhys shouted; he was really excited about it. The TARDIS was at the end of the corridor, just a few steps and they will be safe. He continued shooting, waiting for Jack to do something.

It was weird to protect Captain Harkness, the same man that had saved the world so many times. Rhys looked at him for a moment and noticed that Jack's mind wasn't really there; he wasn't on the fight. His eyes were fixed in Ianto and his hands; all covered in Ianto's blood, touched him gently on his cheeks and his arms; Rhys supposed the Captain was thinking about Ianto, maybe, inside his mind, he was talking with his young lover.

"_You don't know how much I'm sorry Ianto. This is my fault__ and if you die here, if you die on me, I don't think I will be able to go on in this stupid life I can't end. I can't die, yes I know, but that's only my body, the flesh. But… I've never told you Ianto; but you know; you've became my whole soul. I can't afford to loose you this time and keep on being myself."_

"Captain." Rhys said. But Jack didn't answer. The Captain wasn't listening at all "Jack, come on, we're going to be trapped in a few moments. What do we do right now? You're the genious getting out of situations like this." Rhys kept on shooting but he wasn't having any luck and the soldiers kept on appearing.

Two more soldiers appeared on the aisle and the six of them started firing at them. Rhys protected himself on a corner and pushed Jack to do the same thing. "Jack come on, you're the master at suicidal actions. I can't contain them much longer. I told you I'm not much of a shooter."

"_What can I tell you Ianto? Do you know how much I love you? __No obviously you don't because I've never told you so, I've never said to you how much I suffered when you where dead. Yes Ianto, I died with you that day."_

Jack imagined Ianto was listening to him, that every word Jack said inside his mind, Ianto was listening at it. Maybe even he the young agent was that bad; maybe he could feel Jack's pain, maybe he could understand why Jack went away.

"_Can you feel my pain? Can you feel my desperation? Please, Ianto, tell me something, because at this point I'm completely sure I can't be myself if you're gone."_

"Jack!" Rhys fired again and again and a soldier fell to the ground dead. It was the first time Rhys killed someone but he didn't think about it, it was about kill or get killed. "Bloody… Jack please, they're going to kill us. I swear to you Jack, I want to see my baby again, I want to see Gwen again and if I die here, she's going to kill you a few times."

Jack protected Ianto with his own body. Two bullets get to him and hurt him. Jack felt the blood running along his back and the pain was terrible but said nothing. It didn't matter as long as Ianto was fine, as long as he's young lover was protected from the shooting.

"Jack, what are you doing there?" the Doctor said from the entrance of the TARDIS.

"Come on Captain. If you want to get killed is OK by me, but listen to me you dammed meatcake I'm not going to die here because I love my new life in Cardiff." Mickey took the blaster and started firing at the soldiers. He didn't want to kill them so he took care just to distract them.

"If you want to save Ianto…" The Doctor through something at Jack and the Captain took it. "Take this, press the red light, turn it on and come here."

"_The Doctor is right. I'm here to save you. You're not going to die today. I'm not going to let you die on me. Ianto you're going to…"_

Jack took a look from the small object the Doctor have given to him. It was similar to the sonic screwdriver. The end of the gadget was flashing; Jack saw the small light. "The light Jack, use it." The Doctor said.

The Captain pressed Ianto's body to his with one hand and took the gadget with the free one. "Everything's going to be fine." Jack whispered at Ianto's ear. Ianto move himself restless. "Shhh, I'm here, I'm not going to leave you this time."

A few more soldiers appeared on the corridor so Jack couldn't see anymore the Doctor. But Jack was ready, if that was going to be the last fight then he would fight till the end, with Ianto close to him, their both hearts pumping at the same rhythm. Jack took Ianto's hand and between them the small gadget.

Jack pressed the gadget and a moment later a flashing light flooded the aisle. Jack put his hand on Ianto's face and covered himself too. Rhys and Mickey did the same and all of them heard the soldiers scream. A few moments later Jack tried to see what had happened and to this surprise everyone was unconscious.

"Don't worry about them, they're just asleep, they'll be fine in a few hours, but Johnson's still out there, so please Jack, I need to do some repairs on the TARDIS."

"Yes you're right Doctor. Rhys, come on." Jack took Ianto on his arms, but Ianto didn't feel it. His head lied on Jacks shoulder and his breathing was so scary, but Jack preferred not think about it.

When Jack entered the TARDIS, the Doctor was on the floor, with the little hammer on his hand, _fighting _with the control panel. It was out, no light, no sound, no one could say that the TARDIS was alive at this time. "Come on!" Finally the Doctor hit the control panel. "It has received a lot of firing."

Jack didn't matter, he just wanted to arrive to the Hub and take Ianto to Martha. "Please Doctor, just help me." The Captain sounded so devastated that the Doctor didn't know what to say. "Please."

The Doctor looked at Jack again, sighted and then turned to the control panel one more time. "OK, Mickey take care of the door, if someone else come, you know what to do. Jack stay with Ianto, he's going to get out of this; and you Rhys, well stay where you are."

The Doctor kept quite for a few minutes, looking at the panel as it was talking to him, trying to find de problem with the TARDIS. Jack was behind him, sited down on the floor. He laid Ianto on him. The Captain put a piece of his shirt around Ianto's arm to stop the bleeding and his left hand on his lover's leg.

"Yes!" The Doctor said and everyone else looked at thim. "I got it. My dear friends, we're going home right now. Allons-y."

- o -

Gwen was really anxious, it had been a long time, too many hours and they didn't know anything about the expedition. Then, the Hub exploded with the sound of the TARDIS and Gwen an Martha run to it. Mickey opened the door but they were expecting someone else. Then appeared Rhys and Gwen hold him in her arms strongly.

"What happened, I was really scared." Gwen look at his clothes. "What's this? Is it blood? Don't tell me it's yours because I'm going to kill Jack. I told him to protect you."

She started searching for his wounds, but Rhys took her hands into his. "Stop it, I'm fine, this blood is not mind."

"Then is Ianto's blood isn't it? Is he that bad?" Rhys just nodded and held her again.

When Gwen ask him to get into Torchwood, he didn't think what was it going to be like, how dangerous it was going to be. But when he knew about Ianto, about what Johnson had done to him, he realized he couldn't go anyway.

Maybe he was frightened because he could be Ianto maybe he thought he was going to die; because there was Gwen, there was their baby boy; he has to protect his family and there he was, helping his friends.

Gwen was about to enter the TARDIS when she saw Jack getting out of it. The Captain looked at her, his eyes were empty of his usual charming and his mouth was about to say how much tired he was, but at the end Jack didn't say a word. Gwen held his breath when she saw Ianto on Jack's arms, protected, but so pale, he seemed almost dead.

"Oh my god Jack…"

Jack looked at here, but as soon as he saw Martha he almost run to get her. "Martha, please he needs you, he has lost so much blood." Jack was talking so fast Martha almost didn't catch his words.

"Jack slow down." Martha said.

"I can't. _he can't._" Jack pleaded.

"OK, let's go to the infirmary, we're going to save him."

- o -

"Martha." Jack said when his friend appeared at the door. Her hands were covered on blood.

She didn't let Jack to go into the infirmary with her. Martha knew too well the Captain. He was, for the first time since they knew each other, nervous, out of his mind, he wasn't going to be any help with Ianto's wounds.

"Martha please; tell me."

"He's resting, but don't worry Jack, he's fine."

"What do you mean he's fine?"

"He's really weak and as you said early, he has lost a lot of blood; but he's going to be OK."

"Are you sure?"

Martha took his friend's hands and smiled. "Ianto's going to be fine I promise." Jack started walking to the room. "Wait, Ianto, need you, more than anyone, so, please be patient to him."

"What are you trying to say?"

Martha didn't say a word, Jack understood. It was his time, he had to enter there and see what happened to Ianto. He kissed her on her cheek and smiled. "Thank you so much Martha. Thank you for everything."


	10. Chapter 10

"He'll need you Jack." Martha's words were still in Jack's head.

The Captain entered the room and stayed at the door, quiet and just looking at Ianto. The young agent was asleep, unconscious had said Martha because of the tranquilizers she had given to him to stop the pain.

"He'll be OK but he'd lost a so much blood is going to be a long time for Ianto to recover completely." Jack had listened to her, thinking about all the pain he had caused to his young lover.

He loved Ianto, he really did; that was why he couldn't stand being there and do nothing for him. Jack just sat next to the bed and kept on looking at Ianto; took his hand and squeezed it very gently.

"I'm so sorry Ianto, you know this is all my fault. If I didn't make a fool of myself you would be safe right know. Maybe I haven't told you I love you ever, maybe I was too much worried about open my heart or maybe I was afraid of being in love for real."

Jack waited, But Ianto did nothing. Jack smiled and touched Ianto's face, he was cold, very cold. Jack went to the bed and sit there, took Ianto's body and imagined they were in the old times, sleeping together, making love, working together, like nothing of those last months had really happened.

"But yes, I love you and the moment you died, I died too, I was alone and terrified as I've never be. I wanted to cry but there was no one left to see me, to hear me, I was on my own one more time, but I didn't want to fight anymore, didn't want to live forever when you were gone. I always need you, for the good times and the bad, to hunt a weevil or just to have the proper drink."

Then Jack started remembering. He lay on the bed and tried to make Ianto the most comfortable as possible. The Captain touched Ianto's arm on the place the bullet hurt him. He really wanted to kill Johnson, and someday; maybe the next time they find her he will have his opportunity.

"I promise you, she's going to pay for this and I also swear she's not going to hurt you anymore." Ianto moved on the bed and said something that Jack couldn't understand properly. He just took Ianto's hand again and waited. "That it Ianto, come back to me, please, come back to me one more time and I swear to you I'll never let you down again."

Ianto heard Jack's voice, it was in a long distance, but it was Jack, the Captain was calling him. He was exhausted, he just wanted to sleep, but Jack was there, and he seemed really worried.

Maybe Ianto was upset, really angry with the Captain, he was jealous, because seeing Jack with another man and maybe he wanted so much from Jack, so much that the Captain wasn't going to give him ever. But Ianto still cared for him, really loved him and he was listening to the Captain, calling him almost desperated.

So, finally Ianto opened his eyes, and looked around in searching for Jack. He was there, looking also at him, smiling and his eyes were wet. Had Jack crying for him?

"Jack…"

"Don't try to speak, you're to much weak yet." Jack kissed his companion on the forehead and let him lean on him. Ianto moaned something. "You're going to be fine in no time, but for now, I'm going to take care of you."

"You don't do that, that's not what Captain Jack Harkness do." Ianto closed his eyes for a moment. "What do you want from me Jack?"

"Nothing, I just want you to the safe."

"I am, so why don't you…"

"I'm not going anywhere, not this time."

"Why exactly? I saw Jack, I listened what you said to that guy about me being a nice shag but nothing more." Ianto wanted to cry. Just remember what Jack said about him, was the most devastating thing.

"Don't think about it now."

"I can't help it Jack. You're here, with me, like everything was fine, but it's not, not for me." Ianto tried to move that the pain was too much intense.

"Stop it, you're going to hurt yourself."

"I don't mind."

"What have you said? That's not true, I don't believe it, I know you and I know for sure that you don't want to die, you have so much more to fight for. And there's one more thing I'm sure about." Ianto just waited. "I need you, I really need you alive, by my side. I want to see you smile to me and I want to protect you every single day."

"That's not true Jack."

"It is and I can prove it to you. Do you remember those days you had that awful flu." Ianto nodded and closed his eyes while listening to Jack. "I was there every moment, just for you."

- o -

It was the end of a really long day. Two weevils on the cells, a new species of alien catch and Ianto had been acting really weird the whole day. There was no one else on the base, Jack and obviously Ianto.

"Ianto." Called Jack, but the young agent didn't answer. "Ianto, are you there?"

He wasn't on his desk and wasn't either on the tourism office. Jack walked through the entire hub but nothing. "Ianto, where are you?" Then the Captain heared something just something Jack didn't know what was. "Ianto is that you?"

Just for precaution, Jack took his revolver and moved really slowly, but a moment after that he saw Ianto lying on the sofa, his entire body shaking and he was talking on this dreams.

"Ianto." Jack kneeled on the floor and touched Ianto's face. "Oh my good you're burning up. Ianto can you hear me?"

"Jack?"

"Yes it's me, but you're really sick I have to take you to the hospital."

"No, please, you know I don't like hospitals and I'm not that bad, it's just a cold." His head was killing him, and the lights of the hub were making him sick. Jack stopped him before Ianto could get up.

"Where are you going?"

"I… I have to…" Ianto closed his eyes for a moment and trying to think properly. He didn't know what was he doing there. "I'm not sure."

"Come on, at least let me take to my bed, you have to rest properly and I'm going to prepare you something for the fever." Ianto smiled, Jack was really taking care of him, like a normal boyfriend would do. Jack touched his forehead. "Why didn't you tell me this before? You have been acting really weird all day but I thought you were mad at me."

"Why would I be?"

While they were walking to Jack's bedroom, Ianto leaned on the Captain's shoulder and closed his eyes. Jack embraced him to make Ianto the way to the bedroom more comfortable.

"About last night, I left you in bed and I went on a hunt."

"I know that, you always do. I'm not mad at you, I couldn't" Jack made Ianto to sat on the bed and took his clothes away. "This could be really exciting in another moment." Jack smiled and left Ianto naked.

His whole body was extremely hot. Ianto was almost asleep again when Jack covered him with a blanket. "You're going to be OK in no time."

"That's what you always say when nothing is pretty much OK." Jack kissed his forehead but Ianto didn't already noticed.

Those were a very long days. Ianto had a really high fever for at least three days, Jack wasn't sure, he was there, night and day, neither Toshiko or Owen, not even Gwen told him about the next mission. Jack wouldn't have listened. He was always looking at Ianto.

- o -

"I think you were completely recovered on the fourth day."

"I barely remember a thing about those days Jack as well as I can't remember where was I when I was dead. But what about now Jack? You made me go away and then I got shoot."

"Please Ianto, could you forgive me for what I did to you?"

Ianto wasn't able to stop it and started crying. His whole body hurt him, his leg was in real pain and he tried not to move his wounded arm. Jack was there for him, Captain Jack was telling him he loved him. That was everything Ianto had wanted in such a long time that he wasn't prepared to hear it right then.

"The problem is, Jack, that I love you, and you broke my hurt so many times that I don't know… I'm not sure… But I truly and really love you and I can't live without you, I need some time to think about it."

"I'll be here, take as long as you need, because I'll be here waiting for you."

"Because you have all the time."

"Please don't say that."

"I'm sorry Jack."

"You don't have to. And hey, you have sometime to recover yourself, physically and… well to think about whatever you need to."

Jack just kissed him on the lips but say nothing else, Ianto already new about his feelings but he was broken, not only on the outside. He really needed sometime and that's what Jack had plenty of.


	11. Chapter 11

Life in Torchwood was coming back to normal, although it was a long road for all of them. The team was working again with new faces as Martha and Mickey and Rhys was getting used to be there, to be part of the team, to fight aliens and protect Earth. But of course to protect his wife, his family and Gwen was very happy to have Jack back because with the baby and the team she couldn't take it all.

But Jack wasn't the same, even when he tried to convince everyone else; all that had happened last year had changed him. The Captain thought maybe he was becoming old, because all he could think was Ianto.

"Please Jack, we need you, the whole team needs you. I need you." Gwen had said to him a few times. "Ianto asked you for a little time."

"I know Gwen, I know, but I keep thinking I have to be with him, I can't be Torchwood again until I know he's fine."

Jack didn't tell her the whole truth about his feelings. Everyday he woke up Jack felt guilty and he thought that maybe Ianto was only a dream; that maybe he wasn't really back to life; that it was only a punishment to make him suffer. And his friends didn't know.

"Please Jack, do you think I can be you? I'm not prepared to take Torchwood, I need you." Gwen said again. A few months ago her look as a puppy looking for a home would be enough to make Jack change his mind; but it didn't work this time.

"If you can tell me how is possible that Ianto came back from the death, or why he can't remember anything that happened to him while he was death, then I'm all yours. Untill then, sorry, Gwen I can't do other thing." Gwen could see the enormous pain in Jack's eyes, in the way he smiled to him, in his voice.

Jack needed some answers, he didn't want to be part of anything until his mind was repaired, until his heart was cured and his soul was back to normal. But above all of that, what Gwen and everyone knew he needed was Ianto back to his side.

That was why every morning, Jack went back to Ianto's bedroom and looked at him for hours, until his young lover woke up and looked back at him. Only at that point, Jack felt relieved for real.

"Give him time." Martha told Gwen. "You know Jack, even better than me don't you?. You know that he wont tell you how he feels. If you want him to be our leader again; he needs to fight with his own ghosts and fears."

"I know that, but Martha, I've been always here for Jack and at this moment he's so far away from me. He's not the same."

"He will be."

"How can you be so sure about it?" Martha gave her a cup of coffee and as soon as she drank a little Gwen smiled. "I miss Ianto's coffee. He was… He is so good at it, I don't know what does he do, but his coffee is delicious. But tell my Martha, how can you be so sure about Jack and what about Ianto, we don't know anything."

"Aren't you sure about Jack? Martha's eyes looked firmly into Gwens.

"I supous so, but I'm scared. I know I can't be as good as leader as Jack is, I can't ask you for doing things as Jack did, because I know they're really dangerous, I know you could die everyday. I'm not as strong as him."

"Hey boss." Gwen and Martha looked at Mickey that looked a bit nervous. "Am I interrupting something?" Gwen shook her head. "Great, because I think we have a problem, a really big problem."

The three of them was looking to a computer a few seconds later; they could see Cardiff and nothing seemed to be different in the city. "What are we looking at, Mickey?" Martha asked.

"Wait for it." The boy said with a big smile on his face. "I have never seen anything like it. It's huge."

Then the image of Cardiff started changing. First a big blue bluer appeared on the screen and started to grow little by little. Then as Mickey had already noticed, the salt in the air appeared too and Martha looked at him shocked. Lastly, the music started to sound.

"It sounds like a circus or something like that, but the smell, why does it smell like the sea?"

"I'm not sure yet." Mickey started to say although Gwen didn't listen to him. She already knew what was all that about, she had fought them and the old team had defeated them. "But I can tell you that's not human."

"I know but…" Gwen said nothing else and started running.

"What's the matter Gwen!"

"I have to find Jack! They're back."

"Back who?"

They needed Jack at tham moment, more than ever. Does ghosts or whatever they were, were too dangerous and Jack was the only one that really know something about them, because he had been studying them from the inside for a long time.

- o -

"How do you feel today?"

Ianto smiled at Jack. The young agent had ask him for some time to think about their relation, but every time that Jack enter the bedroom, Ianto felt better, just looking at the Captain's eyes it was enough to fell much more alive and above all to not to fear the memories he couldn't remember.

"Martha told me that the wounds are much better, and in a few days she wants to start rehab." Ianto's expression changed a little bit, enough for Jack to notice it. Jack sit on the bed close enough to take Ianto's hand.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." Jack squeezed Ianto's hand and putting his fingers, make Ianto to raise his face to him. "Maybe you think I don't know you, but I'm sure I can guess what you're thinking right know."

Ianto blushed. Jack approached very slowly to him and kissed him on his lips gently in a very romantic way.

"You love me, you really love me." Ianto just looked at Jack, while he was talking. "But you're afraid I'm not in love with you." Ianto smiled again nervously. "You're sure I'm going to leave you someday, that I'm going to disappear, maybe when you're old, or when I meet someone younger than you."

"Will you?" Ianto tensed his body but Jack's hands touching his arms, made him feel more comfortable. "Will you leave me again? I know you will, because I will grow older and older and you will stay the same."

"It's not the first time I tell me that."

"What… how… I don't know…"

"In the hospital, when I was on a coma; you told me not to say a word to you about it. I did so. You thought I didn't hear at you. Sorry, I actually did. but what I really wanted to tell you that day was that…" Jack bit his lip; he didn't know if he was prepared to say it.

"Please Jack, I need to know…" Ianto started to tremble.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I just remembered the moment before I died. I told you I loved you and you… I don't know if I'm ready to get back to my old life, to Torchwood, to you, because if you don't feel the same that I do... I'm not sure I should be here; because it will hurt and I don¡t want to suffer the same all over again." Ianto stopped talking and tried not to cry, not in front of Jack.

Ianto tried to move but his arm and leg hurt too much.

"Would you stop hurting yoursef right know if I say something now?" Jack took with his fingers the tears and showed Ianto his best smile. Ianto just nodded. Jack took his face with both of his hands and kissed his lips again. "I do love you Ianto Jones."

"What?" Ianto shook again at the same time Jack embraced him and at this point he cried for real, as a baby and he hided his face on Jack's chest. "Jack…" Words didn't get out of his mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to cry, or anything, because I always wanted you to tell me this, but; look at me, it's like…." Ianto sighed and laughed all blushed.

"Are you OK?" Jack kissed Ianto on the forehead.

"I am now, Thanks to you."

Ianto smiled at last and to Jack's relieve that smile was completely real, sincere and pure. The young agent laid himself on the bed and took Jack from his shirt. Jack put his hands on the bed at both sides of Ianto.

"You have to relax to recover yourself faster, Ianto." Ianto pull from Jack till he could kiss him very passionate.

"Jack?" Gwen cleared her troath and stopped at the door. "Sorry, I didn't mean to see that again." Gwen got away from the room, but a big smile was on her face.

Jack appeared on the alley a second later.

"So… feel better?"

"Yeah, I think Ianto will be okay now."

"I mean you, Will you be okay?" Gwen smiled widely and touched Jack gently on the arm. "Because I think you have told him what he needed to hear. I'm happy for both of you Jack, seriously."

"Thanks."

"But Jack, we have a problem. They're back."

"Who's back?" As an answer, the music started; the sounds of an old circus and the smell of sand and sea around them. "It can't be."


	12. Chapter 12

"I knew they would come back, but not so soon." Jack sat on his chair and look at the computer. It was the same all over again, the music, the circus, the smell of sand and see; the phantom travellers were back.

"What can we do Jack?" Gwen asked at the same time the rest of the time appeared on the office. Martha had read the profile about them, but Rhys and Mickey, didn't know anything about the phantom travellers.

"I don' know, but we have to find them before they kill somebody else. Martha, Gwen look for them, Mickey, go to the hospital and see if someone has arrived with estrange coma symptoms and Rhys look at the computers and tell me if you see something wrong, like the see on earth, I don't know, anything. But, please don't say a word to Ianto." Everybody nodded and left Jack in his office.

Yes, everything was returning to normal, even the bad guys. For a long time, Jack had feared that those people would come back, but now the Captain was sure, something really bad was about to happened.

- o -

Ianto was almost asleep when Jack left him. He was tired and needed to have some rest. His arm and leg was in pain, but he felt really happy. Now he was convinced that Jack felt something really important for him. Maybe the Captain wasn't absolutely in love with him, but at least he had said to him that he loved Ianto. That was enough for the young agent.

Suddenly he heart a noise and woke up. Ianto looked around him, there was no one; he was alone on the bedroom. But he felt there was someone with him, staring at him.

"Jack, is that you?" Nobody answer him. Ianto leaned on his arms and looked again. "Jack, I'm tired and as much as I enjoy our special hide and seek, I would prefer you to stay with me."

Then the noise again, someone was walking closer to him. Ianto saw a shadow, an enormous shadow. It was in front of him, surrounding him as it was to swallow him. His heart was going to escape from his chest and the shadow was getting bigger and bigger every moment.

"Jack!"

Ianto knew he was alone, nobody was going to hear him on time to help him, but he tried once more.

"Jack, please!"

Ianto started to think. What would happen if he died again? What if Jack found him there, dead on the bed? Jack couldn't stand it, Ianto knew, so he had to survive for Jack, he had to fight and resist.

The young agent tried to move, although his leg was hurting him real bad. A hand pushed him back to the bed and grabbed his face.

"What are you?" A voice said really low, almost into Ianto's ear. "You're not like that friend of yours, the dead man. No, you're different. You've been death, but somebody brought you back to life. Who is that possible? Who or what did it?"

"What are you talking about? Who are you?" The hand that was pressing his troath pressed a little bit more, so Ianto almost couldn't breath. "Who are you? What do you want from me?"

The shadow get closer to him and that was when Ianto could see him and behind the man the other creature. Ianto tried to scream, he knew too well what they would do to him. Ianto tried to turn against the phantom, but the man grabbed his hand. The young agent felt the ugly breathing on his face, and his terrible voice close to him.

"We want your last breath, but you don't have it anymore. You died. You were dead."

"Yes I was, but I'm not anymore. Please let me go."

All that Ianto could think about was Jack. What he would say when he got there and found him dead. He could imagine the Captian on his knees, crying for him. Would Jack cry for him? Ianto liked to think so, but…

"I know who did this to you."

The horrible man licked Iantos face, like the young man was a candy and Ianto tried no to vomit.

"Do you want to know or do?" Ianto only nodded. For a long time since he came back to life, he asked himself how it was possible for him to be alive again. "I thought so."

The man put his hands on both sides of Ianto's head and closed his eyes to concentrate. Ianto started to feel weird, like he was on a rollercoaster. Everything around him became dark and a lot of voices started to talk around him.

"_Is it him the chosen one." _Ianto looked around, but there was nobody there.

"_He is. The Captain chose him to be his partner."_

"_But we don't know if he loves the boy."_

"_He does. Even when he tries to convince himself about the opposite he really loves him. We can hurt Harkness with his boy."_

Ianto saw people, two maybe three persons around him. Every one of them was talking about him, as they knew him. He couldn't say a word; he wasn't able to do it. His body had became like stone and his mouth was totally close.

"_Jack Harkness wont be ever be here. He wont ever suffer for all his done. But the boy, he will see all the things he's beloved Captain has done in his past. Jack is trying to convince everybody that his good, that he has changed. But we know the truth about him."_

Somebody started to laugh, then a lot of voices laughed and a moment later, the pain started inside Ianto's head. There were images, feelings, the suffering of so many people, so many countries, and planets. But Jack was always there. Ianto saw him inside his head, covered in blood, some else blood, and his expression his totally different, full of rage, from the Captain that Ianto knew so well.

"What is this?" Ianto got to ask finally. "This isn't true. That can't be Jack. I know Jack, this isn't him." The pain was so intense, so great that Ianto only want it to stop once and for all. "Please, stop it."

"_Jack Harkness has to pay, but we can get him. So somebody else has to take his __penalty for all the deaths, all the lives he has taken for all of us."_

"STOP IT!"

"Ianto, Ianto come on, wake up."

Ianto opened his eyes again, but it was all gone, the pain, the darkness even the phantom travellers. It was the same room, the bed where he was laying and Jack. The Captain was looking at him, he looked worried, even scared.

"Are you Ok? You were screaming about some voices and the things you were seeing."

Ianto sat up on the bed and used all his energy not to cry. He almost couldn't breath. "It has been awful."

"You has had a nightmare, that's all." Jack tried to embrace Ianto but the young agent didn't let him. "What's up?"

"Where are they?"

"Who are you talking about? There was nobody here. You were screaming, your whole body was tense, but it was just you here."

"NO, no… They're back, they were here. The man showed me those things but I don't believe it Jack. You're not that horrible man because I know you and you wouldn't do those things to innocent people."

"Ianto." Jack just held him on his arms. The Captain had done so many things in his life and he knew if Ianto or Gwen got to know them they would hate him forever. "It was only a dream. But tell me; who was that man, because even on a dream, he was lying to you."

"They're back Jack. The phantom travellers are back. I know they're back and they want me. I don't know why, they want me."

Jack held on Ianto to his chest. "I promise, they won't get to you again." Finally the Captain kissed Ianto on his lips.

- o -

"It's done. The boy has the information but he doesn't want to believe it yet." A small shadow on the dark said.

"He will see all those things again, every time he closes his eyes. At the end he will ask for the truth to Harkness. It will be the end of his innocence and his love for the Captain. Jones will be ours and when Harkness comes from him; it will be our everlasting revenge with him.


	13. Chapter 13

"You need to get some fresh air." Jack sat at the bed next to Ianto. The Captain stretched this arm waiting Ianto to take his hand. "Come on Ianto, I know these days have been tough for you. But I really want you to be ok."

"I don't know Jack. I need you to tell me something." Ianto reached his hand and sighed. "Those things I saw in my head, I know the phantom traveller will always try to hurt us; but is there something real on those dreams? Something real about you and what you did in your past?"

"Ianto…"

"Please Jack, I've been dead, I still don't know how I got back to life and now every time I close my eyes I keep seeing you, doing all those horrible things and I can't stand it anymore Jack. I need some answers."

Jack had a lot of secrets, a lot things that nobody knew about him and he had hoped that someone like Ianto'd never get to know them. But those eyes, Ianto's eyes looking at him so sadly so desperate to know the truth, he couldn't resist.

"You're right, I'll tell what you want to know, but you have to come with me."

"Where to?"

"I don't know, anywhere, where would you like to go? What about the shopping centre? I've heard there are some new stores in there, I think you'll like the new men shop with all the clothes you could…"

"Ok, Ok I'll go with you, but have you notice I can't walk?"

Jack stepped away and Ianto saw a wheelchair. Obviously Jack had thought about everything. Ianto smiled and stretched his arms to Jack. The Captain helped him to stand up and embraced him strongly.

"You're safe now. You know it right? No phantom traveller and know alien is going to hurt you ever." Jack whispered in Ianto's ear. "I'll take care of you forever." Jack kissed Ianto in the cheek and glided his lips to reach Ianto's and he finally kissed his young lover.

"I know but I'm tired, I'm sick of all these things going up and down my head. I need some answers, something real for once."

Ianto let Jack to take him to the wheelchair. He didn't really like to be sitting there, it makes him feel useless. I loved to help Jack, to be with him, by his side and to know the Captain needed him too.

"I'll let you know everything you want from as soon as we have a little fun today. We have a meal at the shopping centre, we can do some proper shopping for you and then I'm all yours." Ianto smiled again when he listened to that. "Do we have a deal?" The young agent just nodded.

Jack knew it was going hard to tell Ianto everything he really wanted to know. Jack knew the Doctor had brought Ianto back to him, but he hadn't asked his friend how exactly, he didn't care, as long as Ianto was safe and sound. But Ianto needed to know and maybe those answers were going to be really hard for his young lover to accept them.

But the thing that really worried Jack, was telling Ianto about his life before Torchwood and before getting to know the Doctor. He was a really different man, he was the kind of person he hated now, that Ianto really hated. So what really worried Jack, was that Ianto could stopped love him as the brave Captain, the hero, his hero, because he got to know the old him.

- o -

The morning had been fun; Jack took Ianto with the new SUV to the shopping centre as he had planed. Ianto had bought some new suits and insisted to Jack to bought a pair of really sexy jeans for himself.

"I don't do jeans."

"Jack please, you want to cheer me up, don't you? So please humour me." Ianto smiled, he could imagine Jack wearing those jeans, and it was the best thought in a really long time. "Please I would love you on them. Please Jack."

How could Jack say no to those puppy eyes?

Then they ate a pizza in a very nice Italian restaurant. They didn't talk about the problems inside their head, they just enjoyed each other company, they laughed they talked, they were just a couple having a good time together.

The afternoon came and the time for coffees was over. Everything had been perfect, thought Ianto, Jack had been doing the impossible to create a perfect day for Ianto and make him forget all the bad feelings.

But then; something happened, something that not even Jack had expected.

"Ianto!" The young agent looked at Jack really scared. He wasn't really to see that, he couldn't see his sister right at that point. "Oh, my god Ianto, is that you?" Ianto heart the footsteps getting toward him and he just reached Jack's hand.

"Please, I can't." Ianto whispered to the Captain. "I can't see her, I'm not ready. Gwen told her I was dead, and I'm not, this is going to be too much for her. It too much for me…"

"Fine, but you'll have to face your family someday."

"Ianto."

Ianto closed his eyes and waited. He really missed his family, he missed his sister but they already knew he was dead, he couldn't do this to them.

"Rhiannon right?" Ianto heart Jack speaking to his sister but he didn't want to face that scene.

"Is that my brother? But your people told me he was dead. Is he dead or not?"

"Yes, he is your brother, and no, he isn't dead, not now."

Rhiannon looked at Jack without understand a word the Captain was telling her. If that was his brother, if that man has Ianto for real, she wanted to hug him; she wanted to tell him all the things she couldn't when he was alive.

"I don't understand. You're telling me that man behind you is my brother, my dead brother and I can't talk to him. What's wrong with you people?" Rhiannon yelled and a few costumers of the shopping centre looked back at them. "Are you crazy? Ianto! It's me, your sister, Rhiannon."

Ianto was still holding Jack's hand and the Captain could perfectly hear him sobbing.

"I know it's hard to understand, it's even hard for me. We lost Ianto a few months ago, that was completely true, he was dead, he died in my arms and I'm really sorry I let him die back there. But at this point, things are different, I can't explain to you how this happened, but yes, your brother is alive again but he needs time to comprehend everything. We all need sometime to adjust."

Rhiannon said nothing, she just looked at them man in the wheelchair; she looked at his brother and moved really slowly to him, looking at Jack and put her hand on Ianto's shoulder. He nodded.

"Ianto, little brother, I know… well I don't anything right now. It's been really hard to believe you were dead. But your friends told me you were a hero to all us. You know I will always love, whatever happens, when your ready to see me, to talk to me and to… well just let me know and I'll be there for you."

Rhiannon didn't wait an answer from Ianto; she just started walking away from Jack and his brother. She could wait; she was going to wait forever to talk to her brother, because now her baby brother was alive again.

"I'm a horrible person Jack. How could I have done that to here? I'm her family, she's… she's my sister and I can't eve look at her in the eyes." Ianto started crying, he didn't care if they were in the middle of a shopping centre, and he just needed to cry. "But do you what's the worst thing about this Jack?"

"What is it?"

Jack hold Ianto in his arms.

"I don't even know why I'm supposed to be alive again. Why Jack? Why?" Ianto started to tremble and Jack embraced him and kissed him in the forehead.

Jack knew that was the moment, the time to be happy had gone away, at that point the only thing Ianto needed beside him close to him, was answers.

"Ianto, I think we need to talk."


	14. Chapter 14

"Doctor, can we talk?" Jack said when he found his friend.

"Yes, of course, what's up?"

Jack looked at his friend and smiled. They knew each other for a very long time now and it was very difficult try lie. Maybe the Doctor didn't exactly lied to Jack, about Ianto, but the captain knew his friend hadn't been sincere with him.

"You already know what I want to say." The Doctor also smiled, of course he knew. "Please, tell me."

A moment of silence filled the room. Everyone was doing something, so they were alone on the Hub. Martha and Mickey were on his anniversary, Gwen was investigating something on the mall and Rhys was getting some new computers for the team. The new doctor of Torchwood three was doing some work in the hospital and Ianto was getting some rest.

"What do you want to know?"

"Doctor, please…" Both of them smiled and a moment after that the Doctor sat on the sofa and looked at the Captain. "Ianto was dead, dead forever and know he is here. I don't have to ask you, but do you know how the hell did he come back?"

The Doctor was still smiling but said nothing for a moment.

"Why do you want to know it? He's fine, he's alive and he's with you. Why is so important for you to know about it."

"Because Ianto needs to know and I need too."

The Doctor sighed.

"I had to do it. Everything was wrong, he didn't deserve to die, not just because he loved you." The Doctor looked away. The last months had been really hard for all of them, but above all, for Jack. The Captain had lost so much; he was a good man, working for a better world and everything also ended in a very nasty way for him. "What's so wrong about it?"

"Come on Doctor, you know what it is right or wrong. Why did you do it. In the old times, you wouldn't something like, what happened to you?" Jack looked at the Doctor, there was something really different on his friend's face, but the Captain, didn't know what it was.

"I told you, it was wrong." Jack's eyes on him forced the Doctor to keep talking. "Jack, you know me, you know my life."

"That's exactly why I don't understand."

"Couldn't you let it go? Ianto's fine." The Doctor stopped talking. He was lying once again. He had lied to everyone, because it was easier for him, not being himself, trying to think that the universe was fine, that people didn't die, that they didn't sacrifice themselves for him. Everything was complicated and he didn't like it at all. "I had to do something."

"Sorry but I don't get it." Jack didn't recognise his friend on that mad that was talking to him.

"So many terrible things had happened lately but I didn't expect to see anything happening to you." Jack smiled to his friend. At least he could see that the Doctor really cared for him. "I wasn't here for you when you most needed me, I don't know why… well I know why."

"Do I scare you? Are you afraid of being next to me? I thought we were OK since I'm with Ianto and you… Sorry I didn't meant to say it."

"It's fine, I'm OK with Rose. The thing is that I failed you, I failed the entire human race. And now I'm trying to do something good for my best friend."

"Best friend? Oh my God, Doctor, you're a real mess. What I still don't understand is how you brought him back. I've seen a lot of things, well, I though I had just seen everything. But how did you bring Ianto back, he had been dead for a while." The Doctor didn't say a word. "You're not going to tell me about it, are you?" The Doctor kept being silently. "I get it, The Doctor and his secrets."

"Jack…" I voice came from Jack's bedroom made him stop talking with the Doctor. "Jack." Ianto appeared at the door looking for Jack.

"What are you doing up? You should be resting." Jack got up and went to the bedroom. The Captain embraced Ianto, he hadn't said a word after seeing his sister. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know. It's weird. I've seen my sister and I couldn't talk to her. She has to be really pissed off with me and I don't blame her. I was cruel to her."

Jack felt Ianto's body very light. The Captain took him back to the bed and sat close to him. Ianto embraced him very strongly.

"Your sister will be waiting for you. She needs you and she will be really please to see that her little brother is alive. Don't you think so?" Jack kissed Ianto on the lips and caressed his cheeks until his young lover smiled a little. "That's de Ianto I really love."

"Do you? Do you love me?"

Do I have to tell you again? Of course I love you and I want you to be OK. So when your ready, I'll go with you to see your sister." Ianto sighed. Jack was the man of his life, and his death, he was always there for him, even when he was dead, it seemed that Jack had been always waiting for him.

"I still think I don't deserve you." Ianto leaned his head on Jack's knees.

"Why do you say that?"

"You've had so many lovers on your life and you will have a lot more of them when I'm gone." Jack felt the sadness in Ianto's voice so he caressed his hair and came to his forehead to kiss it. "Were you with anyone when I was dead."

"Ianto…"

"Were you? It's just curiosity."

Jack kissed him again this time on the lips and started to touch his whole body. He didn't want to talk about it. He hadn't seen anyone but it was too hard to talk with him about him.

Ianto sighed, he couldn't help it. He loved the Captain and he loved when Jack touched him, when he kissed his lips, his neck and his whole body, Ianto loved his hands, his voice. Everything with the Captain was great but Ianto need a sincere answer from Jack.

"You know I'm not a jealous person." Jack smiled at him. "Well, you're right, I'm jealous, but I was dead, you were free, you could have been with someone else. Were you?"

Jack lean on the bed with both of his arms and look at the young agent, bit his lip and began to mess Ianto's hair up, like his young lover her a little puppy. He liked very much the scent of his hair and the feeling of his skin.

"OK, you win. No I wasn't with anyone."

"Is that true?"

"Yeah, it's true, I wasn't with anyone, I didn't want to. I didn't feel like doing it."

"Don't tell me you didn't want to have sex with anyone? I don't believe it, that's not you Captain." Jack laughed and lied on the bed. "Come on Captain, I know there were some people in your life, or at least in your sex life."

"There wasn't anyone I swear you." Ianto looked at the Captain, trying to get the truth in his eyes. "Why don't you believe me?" Jack caressed his face one more time. "You're the only one, Ianto, from a long time ago, You're the only one."


	15. Chapter 15

"_The captain is a really bad person. He had killed lots of people and you could be next." _The same voice over and over again kept repeating inside his head, every night, even when he was awake.

Ianto hadn't spoken to Jack yet; he supposed the voice was part of himself, that the process whatever it had been to bring him back to life had changed him so much, that maybe he was become crazy or something like that now.

"_Jack Harkness is an evil man." _ The voice said really close to his ear. _"Did he tell you how many have he killed, even women or children?"_ The ghost was really happy, very pleased with the work he's been doing in the poor boy's head.

The phantom traveller wanted vengeance for what Torchwood had done to him and his people and now, Ianto's life and sanity were in his hands. It was so easy messing up people's mind even when the things he was saying were absolutely false.

The ghost knew that Ianto Jones was broken; he had been dead and brought back to life. Did he deserve it? The ghost didn't care, he just hated Jack Harkness and every evil thing he could do on Ianto would certainly hurt the Captain.

"_Jack Harkness has killed a lot of children." _

"_That's not true."_

Ianto tried to move, but his hands were tied up and the only thing he got to do was hurting his own wrists. He looked around; the room was completely dark he couldn't see anything.

Someone was there next to him, talking to him.

"_Who are you?"_

"_Don't you recognise me?"_ Ianto forced his eyes trying to see the man, but it was too dark. _"Don't worry, you only need to listen to me, because you don't know Jack Harkness."_

"_And do you?"_ Ianto smiled. No one knew Jack, nor even himself. _"I don't think so."_

That man couldn't talk about Jack as he knew him because that wasn't true, Ianto wanted to know everything about the Captain, his past, every feeling, all his fears and his hopes; but Jack was never going to tell anyone to came inside his heart and soul, nor even Ianto.

"_Did Jack ever told you about his time working for the Time Agency. I don't know him as you do, I know that." _The man approached to Ianto but his face was blurry impossible to see a proper image. _"Ask him, ask him about how many people he tortured there, how many people he killed and if you get a real and truthful answer from him I will go away."_

The phantom traveller took a look at Ianto's face. The young man was scare, not because of being there, because Ianto knew all that was a dream, but because of the doubts that terrible was planting inside his head. That was going to be really funny for him. Ianto heard an evil laugh from the man and suddenly everything around him disappeared.

- o -

It was almost noon when Ianto woke up again. Hit had been another nightmare, about awful dream seeing Jack doing those terrible things to innocent people. Were they real people or was it something inside his head? And the again, those shadows, those ugly shadows he couldn't recognise; they really scared him, because he knew they weren't human and they were trying to hurt him and hurt Jack.

Ianto wanted to talk to Jack, to ask him about the dreams; but he couldn't it has been too much in the Captains life lately, that Ianto could put so much pressure on his shoulders.

The young agent looked at Jack. He seemed to be asleep even when Ianto knew the Captain didn't sleep since a very long time ago. But he just liked to look at him, his eyes closed, resting as everything was ok in his mind, when it was not. But Ianto didn't care, not at that moment; not when he was in bed with Jack.

"How long have you been up for?" Ianto smiled when he heard Jack's voice.

"I thought you were asleep, but I suppose you're worried about something and you can't sleep."

Jack opened his eyes before answering the question. Ianto knew him so well; he almost thought that Ianto could sometimes read his mind. Jack squeezed Ianto's cheek and stayed a few minutes like that, just watching at him, looking inside his eyes.

"Jack…"

"What's wrong? You want to tell me something, you're trying to ask me something for two days. What's so hard to tell me?" Ianto bit his lip. It was really hard to tell this and he didn't know if he was ready to do it or even if Jack would be ready to answer his question and tell him the truth. "Ianto, please." Jack whisper on his lover ear and made him smile.

"You know about my dreams lately." Jack nodded. "They're… I know they're just dreams, but I feel them as they were absolutely real and I'm scare because every time is the same thing, the same horrible man talking to me, saying those awful things about your past."

Ianto stopped talking when he saw Jack expression had changed because of his words.

"What' the matter."

"Nothing, I'm ok; don't worry." Jack tried to look away but the hand Ianto put on his face didn't let him.

Ianto knew he shouldn't do it; that the voice inside his head was trying to hurt both fo them, but the thing was that Ianto had always wanted to know about Jack past, about his life before Torchwood, the things that weren't on the files all the things he didn't ever know about the man he loved. Had Jack been a murder for real? Or was it just his mind that was creating those terrible feelings?

"Who are you?"

"I don't think I'm catching you." Jack smiled. "I'm Jack remember? We've been together… somehow for…"

"I'm talking about your past you. The man that the Doctor knew, the man how lost his brother and the man," Ianto doubted before telling that, but at last he did it. "And the man that worked in the Time Agency."

"What do you know about the Time Agency?" Jack got tense and stand up. "What do you know?" he finally shouted Ianto and turn back to him.

"I don't… nothing, because you haven't told me anything about your past. If you're afraid that I'm going to be scared about your past, I'm not, I just want to know who are you for real."

Jack took Ianto from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

"You don't want to know that."

"I do, Jack, I really do. Why are you trying so hard to not to tell me about it? It's just your past, your old job, nothing else, isn't it?"

Jack couldn't tell the truth, not to the man he loved the most, not to Ianto after what his young lover has faced, not after all the terrible things he had done in his past and he tried so hard to forget.

"_He wont tell you Ianto. It's so bad, so terrible that he wont tell you." _The voice wa again inside his head.

"Don't do this to me." Ianto said with closed eyes.

"_He's a bad man."_

"Don't, please."

"Ianto, are you ok?"

But Ianto wasn't listening to Jack, he couldn't stopped listening to the voices, repeating over and over again, it's terrible words about Jack. Then the pain started, the pain in his head, in his heart, in his whole body. He couldn't stand it anymore and felt his body was falling apart. Jack got Ianto's body when his young lover fell to the floor.

"Ianto!"

Ianto was already unconscious when Jack carried to the bed.


End file.
